'We've done nothing wrong. We treated Adam's family like royalty': In first interview, defiant Gordon and Tana Ramsay hit back after Peaty wedding feud, reveal what REALLY happened and why it's all 'self-inflicted'

Tana Ramsay is frustrated. ‘He drives me mental,’ she says when her superstar chef husband stops the car during a very important conversation just so he can leap out and get an extra hot oatmeal latte. ‘You’re such a k**b,’ she tells him later.

These are scenes from a new fly-on-the-wall Netflix documentary called Being Gordon Ramsay, during which Tana asks, ‘Have they got any music to play over the opening titles?’ Her suggestion is a punk song by Jilted John that was used to taunt her husband when he was at school, Gordon Is A Moron. It’s a joke, but the underlying stress and tension is obvious as the show reveals more of the Ramsay relationship than we have ever seen before.

‘There were some moments when s*** was hitting the fan,’ Gordon admits now, remembering what they were going through as a film crew followed them around last year. ‘Tana was saying, “Why are we doing this? What the f*** are we doing?”’

They were – and still are – gambling £20million from their own coffers and the bank on building three restaurants, a rooftop terrace and a cookery school at the top of 22 Bishopsgate, the highest building in the City of London. ‘It’s a colossal outlay, a proper commitment, financially and personally,’ says Gordon. ‘To get it wrong would be catastrophic.’

Tana, sitting close to him now, says, ‘That’s what I questioned. Do you need more pressure? How much more do you want to put yourself and all of us through?’

The chef, who has eight Michelin stars and 94 restaurants across the world, has taken over the top floors of the skyscraper to open an exclusive 12-seater dining room called Gordon Ramsay High, a glamorous new edition of his Asian fusion restaurant Lucky Cat, and a culinary school. There’s a Bread Street Kitchen to come in the spring and a roof terrace later this year. Diners sit with a spectacular view of the Shard, St Paul’s Cathedral and the whole of the capital. ‘Just getting every board, knife, pot, pan, vent, everything that high in the sky, with one elevator, was a nightmare,’ says Gordon.

Being Gordon Ramsay shows the couple trying not to buckle under the pressure, even when he crashes her car. ‘It’s honest,’ says Tana. ‘We’ve got nothing to hide.’ Today they’re sitting close together, holding hands, and are dressed alike: she in a black T-shirt and jeans, he in a dark blue, high-necked shirt. And they’re ready to be even more candid about their relationship with each other and their six kids, their heartbreak over Gordon’s brother and the recent marriage of their daughter Holly to the Olympic swimmer Adam Peaty, whose fallout with his own family made headlines.

‘Just before we got into the car on the morning of the wedding, that was the first time I saw Holly in her dress,’ remembers Gordon. ‘I burst into tears. Your little girl is a woman and she’s moments away from walking down the aisle. You have to realise she has a huge love in her life.’

This was December 27, when the whole Ramsay family were staying at a Georgian mansion near Chippenham in Wiltshire called Kin House – also the location of the reception. ‘The 45-minute drive was a beautiful father-daughter moment. We were just talking, in this little cocoon. Then we got to Bath Abbey, the car door opened and I felt like we were in the middle of Wembley Stadium with England playing Scotland. The screaming, the shouting.’

Besides well-wishers, there were paparazzi swarming. ‘I was trying my best to stay calm, to keep her calm. The scrum started shouting and swearing. I’m a big guy, I can look after myself, but her hands started shaking. She said, “Daddy!” I said, “Look Holls, we’ve got this. Let’s keep our heads down and get there.” It was not the right start, but we got through it.’

The doors of the Abbey shut behind them, there was quiet and calm, but Holly had to stop him rushing. ‘She told me to slow down twice. I have size 15 feet, they do walk very fast. I don’t do anything slow, ask Tana.’ He gives his wife a cheeky look. She rolls her eyes. ‘Then I looked up and saw Adam waiting. He looked like he’d just come out of a pool after a race, he was sobbing and dripping. I gave Adam a hug. He watered my beautiful carnation with his tears. I lifted up Holly’s veil, then handed her hand to him. I went and sat down and started crying like a baby.’ Why? ‘The build-up of emotion. Just like any kitchen, I wanted it perfect for Holly, Adam, Tana and every guest. The pressure was insane.’

Sir David and Lady Beckham were present, their children having grown up together. Adam Peaty’s sister Bethany was a bridesmaid, but his mother, father and the rest of his close family were not there, having been uninvited after an argument over Holly’s hen night became public. ‘I was told we were accused of saying inappropriate things,’ says Gordon now about his speech, and it is true that Adam’s mum Caroline was reported to have taken offence at what she saw as an unfavourable comparison with Tana. ‘Nothing at all was said that was ­inappropriate, I promise you,’ insists Gordon. ‘I was very warm, very witty. I talked about when they first met. I was nervous, hearing the words no father would ever want to hear, “Your daughter’s gone on a date with the world’s best breast- stroker. We knew something big was going on when she came home and all we could smell was chlorine.”’

Did he write these dad jokes himself? ‘Yeah. They were the bits I really worked on. I paid tribute to Holly, then welcomed Adam into the family: “I know you’ll give Holly all the love she deserves, but be aware that her twin, Jack, is a Royal Marine. I know you can swim fast, but he has a boat with a big f****** gun on it!” Light-hearted stuff like that.’

The newlyweds chose to call themselves Mr and Mrs Ramsay Peaty, which was a surprise. ‘They told us the night before the wedding. I was lost for words. A wonderful suggestion. Very modern.’

How does he feel about the continuing complaints from Adam’s mother that she and his father have been shunned? ‘It’s just upsetting,’ says Gordon, who has not responded in person until now. ‘It’s all self-inflicted from their side, because we’ve done nothing – none of what you’ve read: no rudeness, no ignorance – we welcomed them. We sent a chauffeur-driven car for them to come to the engagement party and treated them like royalty. So to get that barrage of press was very hurtful. Tana took it very seriously.’

Can they see this ever being resolved? ‘I would like to go up to Nottingham with Tana and see them and draw a line in the sand,’ he says. ‘It was Adam and Holly’s wishes for them not to attend and so we had to respect that. There’s stuff they need to sort out as parents. That’s nothing to do with Tana and me. But we are very mindful we want to move on and allow Holly and Adam to continue starting their lives together.’ Tana says: ‘We’ve had fallouts within my family, there are no winners. I’m so grateful we got through mine and have happy relationships again.’ Tana’s father Christopher was sent to jail nearly a decade ago for conspiring to hack into a computer system relating to Gordon’s business empire. ‘You don’t have to be best friends, but be civil. You can’t be happy when there’s a fallout going on. It’s really negative, and no one wants that.’

Gordon is said to have paid for the newlyweds to go to Mauritius and reveals they made a very unusual offer. ‘Adam and Holly asked Tana and me to come on the honeymoon with them. I said, “Look, we love you. We’d never gatecrash your honeymoon. We’ll see you after.”’

The Netflix series shows yet another family sadness lurking in the background, when Gordon talks about his brother Ronnie, a busker and a heroin addict. He reveals that they were in contact before Holly’s big day. ‘It was tough. It still pains me. He said, “Hey, have you got a music gig for the wedding? I’m free.” I put down the phone and I said to Tana, “F****** hell, here we are in the house we sleep in and there’s my little brother still with two pit bulls in a council flat in Birmingham, busking.” We’re on the opposite end of the spectrum. He reminds me how close we were and could have been,’ says Gordon.

They were born 15 months apart and shared bunk beds as boys. Tana says, ‘In the first few years after we were married I had this ideal view that I could make Ronnie better. We took him in. So many times we tried to fix him, then you actually begin to understand the enormity of the issue and that it’s never going to change until it comes from him. He’s not moved on at all.’

Gordon adds, ‘I don’t want the youngsters having to witness this scenario again. I’m not going to explain to a six- and a two-year-old what heroin is and why their uncle is messed up. The older kids have their way of dealing with it.’

Oscar and Jesse are their youngest children, then there is Matilda – or Tilly – aged 24, the twins Holly and Jack who are 26, and Megan, 27. Tana is 51 and Gordon 59. The Ramsays live most of the time in a £7.5 million house overlooking Wandsworth Common in southwest London, which they have recently remade. ‘We went down three metres, dug deep and created bedrooms and now all the older ones want to come back,’ he says. ‘I’m saying, “Thanks, but no thanks, you’ve had your moment.”’

Tana slaps his leg playfully and says, ‘I love the kids coming home. Don’t lie, you love it. Don’t be Mr Hard-Arse.’ He concedes she’s right. So who does live with them? ‘Jesse, Oscar, Tilly,’ says Tana. And Holly when she’s down from Nottingham. Jack when he’s back. And Meg when her boyfriend is on a night shift and she doesn’t want to be on her own.’

Meg is a police officer. ‘She had an awful scenario a couple of weeks back where somebody was stabbed,’ says Gordon. ‘It was a moment for her, three o’clock in the morning, she had to talk to us. People talk about nepotism but there’s nothing nepo about being in the police or the Marines.’

Tilly is presented with chef whites on the Netflix show, having trained in Ireland with someone other than her father. ‘That was a kick in the b******s. I said, “What do you mean you don’t want me to train you?” She said, “Dad, shut up for 12 months, let me get my experience, then I’ll come back and show you some things.” So I have to accept that.’

Being Gordon Ramsay shows him going away for long periods, so are there times when Tana feels like a single mother? ‘Not really. I travel and go and see Gordon. We have a really good support network with the older kids, who look after the little ones.’

She doesn’t see Gordon retiring. ‘You’d get bored. I’d get bored,’ Tana tells him. ‘That’s why we had more kids, so we could just keep on going.’ Have they finished now? ‘One more,’ says Gordon, but Tana shakes her head. ‘We’re not having more. Go and find another model.’ He grimaces. ‘That’s so unfair.’ But she holds firm. ‘I’ve given you six kids. I’m not having any more babies. I am done.’

The show does seem to be very much about listening to Tana. They met when she was 18, long before fame and fortune. ‘I’m so grateful we’ve been on this journey together from the beginning, because I think it would be very hard to come in and try and get your head around this life, in all honesty,’ says Tana. ‘It has been one hell of a journey. Hopefully we’ve got lots to go.’

• Being Gordon Ramsay arrives on February 18 on Netflix.