'How can someone respond to joy with hate?' Brian Dowling Gourounlian on the lowest thing online trolls say to attack him, what he's learnt from confronting them, and why he had to hire HATE CRIME investigators

Brian Dowling Gourounlian doesn’t let much annoy him. Since his first foray into reality television 25 years ago and subsequent move into presenting, the 48-year-old dad-of-two has had to develop a thick skin to navigate the highs and lows of fame.

For the most part, he’s weathered the slings and arrows with a degree of indifference. He knows there will always be detractors finding fault with his appearance, his manner of speech, his presenting style.

He’s well used to the nitpickers and understands that with success, comes the unfair but inevitable trolling. His tough exterior means he can shrug off many of the petty criticisms — when they’re aimed at him.

But when it comes to his children, Blake, 4, and two-year-old Blu, he won’t stand for it.

He finds it ‘deeply troubling’ that there are people online who are ‘obsessed’ with his relationship with dancer and choreographer husband Arthur, his family life, his children’s appearances, even what he feeds them. 

Come for him, and he might laugh off the comments — come for his children and the gloves are off.

The sharing of his address online by trolls was a step too far for The Six O’Clock Show co-host, prompting him and Arthur to contact gardaí and hire hate crime investigators. 

It also led to his exploration of Ireland’s toxic online culture for a new documentary Toxic Threads, which will air on Monday, October 12, at 9pm on Virgin Media.

Drawing on his own experiences, Toxic Threads sees Brian meet people who have found themselves at the centre of online storms and asks why digital abuse has become such a defining feature of modern life.

‘The trolls would say that because I’m putting myself out there, I’m almost encouraging it,’ says Brian. 

‘I’ve come to an understanding with myself, and people might think that’s a bit odd, but I expect to be trolled because of the nature of my job, to receive comments on how I look, how I’ve ruined my face, how I dress, how much I drink when I go on holiday, how my husband doesn’t love me.

‘So, there’s an element of that where you go, OK, I’ll take some of that. I’m not insecure about how I look, how I talk. I’m in a very happy relationship, so that doesn’t bother me.

‘But when it comes to the deeper stuff like my children, how they look, how they talk, my lack of care as a parent, saying the love I have for them isn’t real, but that of an uncle...

'When people sit down on a Wednesday afternoon and talk online about how a stranger loves their children, well, I find that deeply troubling.’

Brian wasn’t always aware of what was being written about him online. He avoids X, doesn’t have Facebook and only uses Instagram, though he occasionally pops up on TikTok when he features in one of Arthur’s videos.

The trolling was brought to his attention, however, when he and Arthur were having the first of their two children through surrogacy, with Brian’s sister Aoife acting as surrogate.

Brian was disappointed and confused to learn that his personal life was the subject of numerous threads on gossip website Tattle Life.

To him the arrival of a child is a source of great joy and celebration, so he put much of the abuse down to homophobia and tried to ignore it.

But after Blake was born, Brian’s paternal instinct kicked in, and he felt the need to defend his family.

He couldn’t believe the level of vitriol levelled at him and was at a loss to understand why people were getting riled up about matters that were none of their business, often masquerading their nastiness as concern.

‘I’ve been very open about my lack of legal rights regarding Blake and Blu, how I don’t share the same DNA as my children,’ he says.

‘I’m very mindful about my words because I don’t want my children ever seeing something in years to come where it says I’m not their father.

'I’m very much their father and to see that belittled across social media is gut-wrenching for me.

‘Or to see people laughing at my lack of parental rights on social media or any stuff online commenting on a child, calling us pimps, saying we pimp them out, I just don’t understand it.

‘When you put something out that is loving, like a video of you feeding your baby, or your baby laughing, or going on holidays, a celebratory moment, you don’t expect hate back.

'I’ve never understood how someone could see something joyful and feel nothing but hate. But people who are filled with hate like that are clearly unhappy and have miserable lives.’

Brian believes his trolls aren’t just unhappy but have issues with their mental health. He describes their fascination with his life as an ‘obsession’ and says that the level of interest in him and his family is ‘deeply unhealthy’.

He references a post about Arthur, in which the anonymous author wrote that he hoped the dancer’s plane didn’t land.

‘That’s a full-on threat, and not just to Arthur, but to everyone on that plane,’ says Brian. ‘I mean, I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think you need to be a doctor to see

that you’re dealing with someone with mental health issues when they write something like that.’

The two-time winner of Big Brother says he and his husband both agreed that it was important to share insights into their family life for visibility reasons.

On the flip side of the abuse, Brian has received positive messages from members of the LGBTQ+ community, saying they now feel hopeful and inspired about having families of their own.

But the torrent of online abuse continues and, in the documentary, Brian examines how one random post can quickly spiral into relentless pile-ons, harassment and real-world consequences.

He meets journalist Aoife Moore and comedian Aoife Dunne, who have both endured sustained attacks online and hears about the lasting impact of threats and intimidation on both high-profile women.

Brian says he found their stories upsetting and shocking and believes more needs to be done by the Government and social media platforms to tackle the growing problem of harmful online content.

‘The reasons these people use fake names to troll is because they know it’s wrong,’ he says. ‘If they were to put up a real name, they know people would say “What the f**k is wrong with you?”’

At the onset of his TV investigation, Brian put out a call on social media to online trolls to come forward and explain their motivation, offering to disguise their faces and voices for the show. 

But what he learned was that he had fewer rights, as a victim, than a perpetrator of the abuse. 

This must change, he says, and social media giants need to do more to police their platforms and protect their users.

‘I hire a private investigator in the documentary as there are one or two accounts that concern me and we go on this journey,’ he says. 

‘But the issue is that because I’m in the public eye and put stuff out there, my rights aren’t taken as seriously as me trying to doorstep someone who I know has been trolling me.

‘In this day and age, you have to be so mindful of people’s mental health and even if you have an address and a laptop, five people could live there and have access to it. 

Trolls are mostly anonymous, but some people troll me using their real names. I’m like, yeah, you’re being horrendous and vile, but at least you’re saying it with your real f****** name!’

Through conversations with experts, campaigners and those working to combat harmful online content, Toxic Threads explores what can be done to lift the anonymity and make the online world more accountable and safe for everyone. 

It’s something Brian wants to see tackled sooner rather than later, as he worries about those who might not be as tough-skinned as he is.

He says he is fortunate in that hehas never struggled with his mental health but nevertheless, found it devastating to read the toxic content about his relationship with Arthur and their children on Tattle Life.

‘Some people are just so nasty, they need to mind their own businesses and shut their mouths,’ Brian says. ‘Because I’m putting stuff out there, it’s like I deserve it. That’s a very dangerous mindset.

‘Luckily, I have very good mental health. I’ve never struggled in that department, but if I was someone who suffered, I don’t know how I’d get up most days.’

• Toxic Threads will air on Monday, October 12 at 9pm on Virgin Media PLAY and Virgin Media One