‘The Ultimatum’ Couples Are Doomed Before They Even Start

The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On positions itself as a dating show designed to help couples figure out their future, or, more specifically, if they should get married or break up — with one partner issuing an ultimatum, hence the name. But while Netflix seems to want us to root for the couples, or the new love connections being formed, it’s hard to want anyone to stay together. It feels like the contestants who appear on the show are doomed from the beginning, simply for applying. It takes a lot to save a relationship, and you’ve got to be seriously committed to doing what’s best to make it work. Exposing all your relationship problems on national television and partnering up with someone new to see if you want to date other people doesn’t seem like it’ll help keep a couple together. Even joining The Ultimatum suggests a toxic dynamic.

'The Ultimatum's Format Makes It Easy To Have Ulterior Motives

While there may be exceptions, it’s hard to believe contestants go on The Ultimatum truly hoping it’ll save their relationship. We don’t see them getting one-on-one therapy or coaching like in other relationship shows such as Couples Therapy. Rather, they’re flung into new relationships, designed to make their original partners jealous. Nowadays, many people choose to go on reality shows simply for clout. Gaining fame on television can lead to other opportunities, helping expand a person’s career and net worth if only an increase in social media followers. Even if a couple joins for a reason beyond clout, they could enter The Ultimatum with ulterior motives beyond figuring out their relationship. Some contestants may even be lying to themselves, claiming they want to make it work, while consciously or unconsciously looking forward to dating someone new.

This isn’t a problem exclusive to The Ultimatum. Nowadays, many reality show contestants are accused of being inauthentic and having ulterior motives that aren’t aligned with the show’s premises. Series like Love Is Blind and Perfect Match have battled such accusations. Many of the shady men in Love Is Blind’s recent season didn't seem committed to the process of the show, such as Ramses Prashad, who refused to make sacrifices for his partner Marissa George, or Nick Dorka, who claimed he wanted to be the most famous person to come off of the show. This behavior breeds inauthenticity, which might seem like it's good for ratings, but dilutes the actual purpose of these shows.

Netflix's ‘The Ultimatum’ Doesn’t Really Help Couples

In the first season, viewers watched Alexis Maloney and Hunter Parr leave the show early after he proposed during the partner selection phase. The two have since married, suggesting they made the right decision. They’re also open on social media about their IVF journey and hope to have a baby soon. Lauren and Nate similarly exited the show early to focus on their relationship, and have since married and welcomed a baby. Perhaps the most famous couple to leave early was Madlyn and Colby Kisinger, who completed nearly the entire process in Season 1 before eloping on camera (which many fans thought was a mistake at the time, considering their high levels of toxicity). They then shocked their co-stars at the reunion special when Madlyn came on stage visibly pregnant, and seemingly happier than ever. Only a few years later, the couple are now expecting baby number three, and are a picture-perfect family on social media.

Watching the person you’ve been dating start romancing someone new, even if it’s part of a social experiment in a reality show, is going to be difficult, especially if those two people aren’t on the same page about their future. Tensions are going to become even higher, which doesn’t put the original couple in a better place to discuss where they’re going. Considering that many couples who stick through the entire process end up single by the reunion, while those who leave early often stay together, leaving the show early might be the best choice if saving your relationship is the ultimate goal. In a social experiment where there are no real resources (like therapy) to help improve your relationship, and the process is designed to expose flaws and create conflict by introducing new love interests, it's naive to expect you'll leave as a stronger unit. Contestants likely learn a lot about themselves and their original partner, but it's just as likely they'll leave the show single rather than partnered up, so they can't go in with your relationship as their number one priority unless they're lying to themselves.

If a couple is willing to risk their relationship just to appear on a show, then they’re probably doomed from the beginning. Their priorities are clear, and it’s not their relationship. Many of The Ultimatum contestants could benefit from being single. They shouldn’t be pressured to leave the show in a relationship, whether with their original partner or a new one. There should be more emphasis on figuring out what’s best for them, rather than creating a love triangle for drama’s sake. On the flip side, viewers can learn what not to do on shows like The Ultimatum, which is to sacrifice their relationship for personal gains, like TV clout. And it can be helpful to recognize red flags because if your partner is pressuring you to appear on The Ultimatum (or a similar show), it’s likely not because they have your best interest at heart.

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