15 hours ago
7
Rating:
Meet The Owens
Prime Video, out on Friday
Meet The Owens sets out to answer the question that doesn't much preoccupy anyone, but never mind. The question is: Michael Owen – is he really that boring? 'Even my kids say everyone sees me as dead boring,' he says, before opening the fridge and musing on a snack. 'I'm going to have some toast with Dairylea on it. How many (triangles) do you have to have?' I shall put you out of your misery now. He goes for the one triangle. A spoiler, I know, but I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting on that kind of information.
The Beckhams have had their own documentaries, and the Rooneys and the Vardys, and now it's time to meet the Owens, if you so choose. Or you could just pair socks. It's up to you.
Michael is the former England and Liverpool striker, who says at the outset: 'Without sounding big-headed I was exceptionally talented at football and broke every record.'
Meet The Owens review: Michael Owen outs himself as an 'orca pervert' in his new Prime documentary which airs on Friday - but the real question is - is the ex-footballer really as boring as pairing socks?
He's here, along with his family who, for the record, do seem lovely. He is married to his childhood sweetheart Louise. They have four photogenic children, one of whom (Gemma, pictured) is a Love Island alumnus with 1.6million followers on Instagram
He's here, along with his family who, for the record, do seem lovely. He is married to his childhood sweetheart Louise. They have four photogenic children, one of whom (Gemma, the oldest) is a Love Island alumnus with 1.6million followers on Instagram. They live in a stunning Elizabethan manor house in Cheshire. He now owns and runs a racing stable, so there are beautiful horses everywhere. They're all horse-mad.
Gemma has just rescued a little Shetland pony (Bert, adorable) and her father affects to be upset about it. Who will be paying for the food and the farrier and the vets' bills? 'My favourite horse,' he says, nodding at Bert. He then says: 'That was sarcasm.' It's always good to be clear.
He does the interviews in a wood-panelled room in the manner of a Guy Ritchie character, except it's not a character Guy Ritchie would ever write. 'I'm either really happy or just happy,' he will confide, which wouldn't make for an especially strong episode of, say, The Gentlemen.
After his football career ended he had to find a purpose and horses have given him that sense of purpose. He did try being a football pundit, but the monotonous intonation wasn't ideal or avoidable. He couldn't, he explains, convey excitement he didn't feel. 'If West Ham scored against Burnley, with all due respect, I just couldn't care.' We've all been there.
We watch the Owens at the races, hosting owners' parties, attending horse auctions, and they do seem close. 'I can honestly say Gemma is my best friend,' says Louise. Gemma is as much the focus here as her father. It's as if she might want her own TV career one day. We see her present the Horse Of The Year Show for Channel 4. 'I'm here with Carol and Wayne,' she says to camera. 'I'm Fiona,' says Carol. But the Fiona who isn't Carol is very nice about it. 'You're doing a great job,' she says, encouragingly. We like this Fiona who was never and will never be Carol. We like Gemma too. She is warm, friendly and did rescue Bert, whose cuteness may well make you cry.
What else do we discover? We discover Owen loves to watch orca documentaries – 'I'm an orca pervert' – and, to be fair, I didn't know that orcas aren't whales or sharks as they're dolphins. He struggles with greaseproof paper. 'How do you tear it off?'
He loves what he now does. 'I wake every morning and bounce out of bed.' He has a fun side, like when he puts down his chips and Kaiser, one of their dogs, wolfs them. He sees the funny side of that. Louise recalls how he was reading the Racing Post when she was in labour and quick as a flash he comes back with: 'I offered you a read of it!' In particular he is the master of repartee at the fridge door. He takes out a box of ice-creams from the freezer. 'These,' he announces 'are world-class.' He takes out a different box. 'These,' he says, 'are also world-class.' They do seem a genuinely delightful, loving family, but those socks aren't going to pair themselves.
What comes next might come as a shock. Ready? There's a celebrity travelogue that might be worth watching. That's something you never expected to experience, I bet.
(*He works it out in the end. A spoiler, I know, but I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting on that information either.)
English (US) ·