How Parents Can Make the Holiday Break Actually Feel Like a Break

For many of us, a holiday break can feel like a week-long string of Sundays where all you get to do is hang out, eat cheese, and relax until the new year comes. For parents of young kids, however, the holidays can feel chaotic. "You are now the orchestrator of everything from the moment kids wake up until they go to sleep," says motherhood coach Katelyn Denning. Motherhood coach Kelsie Chernenko, meanwhile, candidly compares parents' feelings before schools and offices close to "gearing up for battle."

Of course, most are grateful for the extra family time. But both parents and kids can go a little stir-crazy without their typical routines — and time away from each other. In addition to the omnipresent challenges of trying to keep kids happy and entertained without any broken bones, many parents feel pressure to make "holiday magic" happen, checking off all kinds of festivities and traditions (many of which fill everyone up with energy-boosting-then-crashing sugar). "It's a lot," Denning says.

Even the classic song "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" admits the struggle, bluntly pointing out that mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again.

But parents don't have to become exhausted over the holidays. Although rotting in bed all week with a Hallmark movie marathon may be out of the question, parents can approach the time off so it feels at least somewhat restorative for them, too. PS spoke with a few parenting experts to learn strategies that can help.

Experts Featured in This Article

Katelyn Denning coaches working moms through her business Mother Nurture.

Kelsie Chernenko is a motherhood coach through her business Kelsie Jane Coaching.

Grace Emmons is a certified transformation coach and CEO of her business, Forward with Grace.

How Parents Can Actually Enjoy the Holidays, According to Experts

Keep Expectations in Check

It's surprisingly easy to feel like you're not doing the holiday break "right" as a parent. Maybe your favorite momfluencer who's coordinating caroling nights and building snow globes from scratch makes your own celebrations seem second-rate. Or perhaps you've been planning to take your kids ice skating all year, but once you get to the rink, they have a meltdown.

Lowering your expectations for how this time will look can help keep you from feeling quite as stressed. "We have our own memories around the holidays of these magical moments, and we want to recreate them," Chernenko says. "But with young kids, it often doesn't go according to plan." Stay off social media if you find yourself stuck in a comparison spiral, and don't put pressure on yourself for things to turn out in a postcard-perfect way.

Consider How Much You Want to Plan

Before responding to any holiday invitations, Denning recommends taking a beat to ask yourself, "Is this actually going to create the kind of holiday break that we want to have?" Chernenko says many of her clients get overwhelmed by packing their schedules with back-to-back events when everyone's supposed to be on a "break." She suggests saying no to anything that doesn't truly matter to you — particularly if it's stressing you out. (Yes, even if that means disappointing a family member or friend.)

Do Some Activities You Actually Enjoy, Too

"We focus so much on our kids — their enjoyment, their fun, their learning — and then we look around and realize, ' I haven't done anything for me,'" Denning says. Of course, there will be plenty of things you plan just for your kids. But add some that you actually enjoy, too, whether it's going on a hike or baking cookies together.

Denning says that she'll sometimes pull out an adult puzzle, and her kids might help occasionally, or they'll simply play independently nearby. "It's important for them not just to see that we have our own interests," she says, "but also that we can prioritize doing what we want. And we give them permission to do that as well."

Find Ways to Give Yourself a Break

If you can, schedule some child-free moments just for you: hire a babysitter one night for a dinner date, or ask your partner to spearhead one afternoon so you can meet up with friends. "Do those things that fill your cup because if you are just spending all of your time giving, giving, giving to everybody else, you're going to burn out quickly," Chernenko says. And when you do take time for yourself, she adds, "Don't let the mom guilt kick in."

If you're spending time with extended family, lean on them. "We have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even cousins that want to play and hang out with my two and four-year-old," says Grace Emmons, a certified transformation coach. "Why not ask for help?" Even if you just get 10 minutes to drink coffee solo or call a friend while relatives play a game with your kids, slipping away for a bit can keep you from feeling worn out.

And if you have no one else to share the load with, this may be a time where you ease up on some of your rules about how your kids spend their time. "We all deserve to kick back and relax," Denning says. "And maybe that means more screen time than usual."

Don't Forget the Day-to-Day Habits That Help You Feel Human

When the regular structure of life is thrown sideways, and you're tending to kids' needs all day, every day, we sometimes forget to do the basic things that help us feel whole — eating a full meal, getting outside for a walk, washing our face at the end of the day. "It's so easy to let those things go and then wonder why we don't feel great," Denning says.

Take Notes

The holidays only roll around once a year, so by the time you're ready to celebrate them again, you might not remember that great playlist that helped you relax. Denning says taking notes for your future self can be a game-changer. "What are the things that you can jot down about how things felt or what was amazing that you want to do again next year?" she asks. Even if this year's holiday break ends up as hectic as ever, these smart reminders can prepare you for next year.

If All Else Fails, Take a Day Off in January

Your coworkers might return to the office on January 2 looking refreshed; meanwhile, you might feel depleted. Emmons tells all of her clients — parents or not — to take the first week or so in January easy to slowly ramp back up post-holidays. But if you feel like you didn't get any time to recharge before New Year's, consider taking a personal day for yourself once the kids are back in school. "You'll have a moment to reset before beginning all of your regular responsibilities," Emmons says. Consider it a belated holiday gift to yourself.

Jennifer Heimlich is a writer and editor with more than 15 years of experience in fitness and wellness journalism. She previously worked as the senior fitness editor for Well+Good and the editor in chief of Dance Magazine. A UESCA-certified running coach, she's written about running and fitness for publications like Shape, GQ, Runner's World, and The Atlantic.