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It's been eight years since Hayden Panettiere relinquished custody of her 11-year-old daughter Kaya Evdokia Klitschko to her ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko.
'It was a living nightmare, and I felt so out of control. There's nothing that I could do about it,' the 36-year-old Heroes alum recalled in her Us Weekly cover story Thursday.
'There's so much of me that wanted to fight, but I had to ultimately take into consideration the most important thing, which was how this was all going to affect my daughter.
'Sometimes that means having to do the hardest things in the world, for their sake. Wlad is an incredible father, and I know he was doing what he felt was best for our daughter.'
Panettiere's downward spiral with postpartum depression not only lead to the end of her nine-year on/off relationship with the 50-year-old retired heavyweight boxer in 2018, but she felt like she was 'incapable of being a semi-decent mom.'
'I was nowhere near the mom that I had sworn to myself that one day I was going to be and that was devastating,' the two-time Golden Globe nominee said.
It's been eight years since Hayden Panettiere relinquished custody of her 11-year-old daughter Kaya Evdokia Klitschko to her ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko (pictured in 2016)
'[It] was heartbreaking. I'm such a perfectionist in so many ways that being at least a good mother was just so, so important to me. And such a crushing blow when I was incapable of being, an even semi-decent mom, in my mind.'
Left untreated, postpartum depression can last for many months up to three years, according to the Mayo Clinic.
'I feel like I would be lying if I said that I have, even to this day, been able to fully process them, those emotions in a healthy way,' Panettiere said.
'I had to figure out, there was no other option to me, but to figure out how to stand back.'
The newly out bisexual beauty now has 'an incredible relationship with both of them. I'm so grateful for Wlad. We're very close, and have had a deep friendship.'
'She's just an incredible gift,' Panettiere said of Kaya.
'She is just such an incredible human being. She's otherworldly and so sweet and so kind and so fierce and such a lover and surrounded by good people and good friends, and it's incredible for me to be able to watch her thrive in areas that I struggled with growing up.'
The Grammy-nominated narrator most recently split from convicted felon Brian Hickerson in 2020 following his eight domestic violence arrests.
Panettiere also previously dated retired NFL wide receiver Scotty McKnight, Welsh TV presenter Steve Jones, singer Jesse McCartney, Heroes co-star Milo Ventimiglia, The Hills alum Stephen Colletti and the late Pink Taco founder Harry Morton.
'It was a living nightmare, and I felt so out of control. There's nothing that I could do about it,' the 36-year-old Heroes alum recalled in her Us Weekly cover story Thursday. There's so much of me that wanted to fight, but I had to ultimately take into consideration the most important thing, which was how this was all going to affect my daughter' (pictured in 2016)
Panettiere continued: 'Sometimes that means having to do the hardest things in the world, for their sake. Wlad is an incredible father, and I know he was doing what he felt was best for our daughter' (pictured in 2017)
The two-time Golden Globe nominee's postpartum depression not only lead to the end of her nine-year on/off relationship with the 50-year-old retired heavyweight boxer in 2018, but she felt like she was 'incapable of being a semi-decent mom' (pictured in 2013)
Panettiere said: 'I was nowhere near the mom that I had sworn to myself that one day I was going to be and that was devastating. [It] was heartbreaking' (pictured in 2017)
The newly out bisexual beauty now has 'an incredible relationship with both of them. I'm so grateful for Wlad. We're very close, and have had a deep friendship' (pictured in 2017)
Panettiere spent two years writing her 320-page memoir This Is Me: A Reckoning, which Grand Central Publishing will release on May 19
The Equal Means Equal activist is scheduled to kick off her four-date This Is Me book tour at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square in her native New York City on May 19
UK/Australian audiences can catch Panettiere's latest performance as grieving mother Sarah Pangborn in Brandon Auman's dismally reviewed psychological thriller, Sleepwalker, when it arrives in theaters this July
The Equal Means Equal activist spent two years writing her 320-page memoir This Is Me: A Reckoning, which Grand Central Publishing will release on May 19.
Panettiere is scheduled to kick off her four-date This Is Me book tour at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square in her native New York City on May 19.
The homeschooled millennial's tell-all was previously titled Break Free: Addiction, Trauma, and How the Cheerleader Saved Herself.
Panettiere also wrote about her 'addiction and recovery' after completing three rehab stints for dependence on opioids and alcohol.
'I was truly scared. I had pushed my body to a point where my eyes turned yellow, I was struggling with jaundice, and [not having the] courage to exit my house,' the Breed Apart actress recalled.
'I went to the doctor and had a blood test and he, in no uncertain terms, told me that if you do not put a stop to this right now, then your body's not going to be able to recover.
'I started doing research about liver transplants and read [that] even if you get [one], that could only buy you five years of life. And so I was like, This is very, very serious, and this has gotten completely out of hand.'
UK/Australian audiences can catch Panettiere's latest performance as grieving mother Sarah Pangborn in Brandon Auman's dismally-reviewed psychological thriller, Sleepwalker, when it hits theaters this July.
The 5ft blonde also served as executive producer on the project.
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