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Ethan Slater’s Ex-Wife Lilly Jay Details "Mourning" Her Marriage and Their Coparenting Dynamic
Lilly Jay’s life was thrust into the spotlight amid her split from Ethan Slater.
In a personal essay, the clinical psychologist got candid about the ways in which her divorce from the Wicked actor—with whom she shares a 2-year-old son—affected her personal life and career as her former partner moved on with Ariana Grande, though Lilly doesn’t name either by name.
“It’s hard to measure an absence, and I can’t say for sure how much my career has been impacted by what’s out there online,” she wrote in her essay for The Cut, published Dec. 19. “But there have been hints along the way, like the job offer that dissolved without explanation after yet another tabloid news cycle or the patient who’s scheduled for a first appointment but seemingly vanishes.”
She added, “On my darker days, I railed against the unfairness of a public divorce, asking my therapist, ‘Who would trust a cardiologist who had a heart attack because they never got an EKG?’”
Lilly—who had been with Ethan since high school—also spoke to how she and her former partner had decided to navigate his rising star against her preference for anonymity as a psychologist.
“My partner was on a different path, in which social media and exposure were not impediments but rather necessities,” she wrote. “We puzzled through this predicament on walks, over pizza, in our apartment and excitedly concocted rules of engagement of how and what he would share about our lives together. It was a tenuous balance—my profession, which requires privacy, and his, which is measured in applause—but it worked well while life was unfolding according to our plans.”
Yet, Lilly also spoke to the ways in which her plans did not turn out as she’d expected, including finalizing her divorce with her high school sweetheart in September, two years after welcoming their son in Aug. 2022.
Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions
“During my pregnancy, I had never felt happier nor more aware of how precarious happiness could be,” she wrote, adding of welcoming her son, “I survived preeclampsia, a life-threatening birth complication, and finally, our family was whole. Mine is a story of worrying in the wrong direction.”
While noting her knowledge as a psychologist of how challenging the postpartum period can be on a marriage, she continued, “But I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”
Now, Lilly noted how she’s looking to the future amid the public scrutiny on her life.
“I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” she added. “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”
She also spoke to her current dynamic with Ethan. “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not,” she noted. “Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”
Noam Galai/Getty Images for WSJ. Magazine Innovators Awards; Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Lucille Lortel Theatre
For his part, Ethan has previously spoken to the public backlash his and Ariana’s relationship garnered amid rumors of infidelity.
“I think there was something that was really difficult about things in your private life being commented on and looked at by the public,” he told GQ in October. “There were a lot of big changes in private lives that were really happening, so it’s really hard to see people who don’t know anything about what’s happening commenting on it.”
Meanwhile Ariana has steadfastly supported her partner’s character.
“There couldn’t be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him,” she told Vanity Fair in Novemver. “No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about.”
For more on the couple’s romance, keep reading.
Just A Little Bit Of Her Heart: September 2023
After a source close to the couple—who met on the set of Wicked—told E! News they had “recently” begun dating in July 2023, Grande subtly supported Slater by “liking” a photo announcing his role in Spamalot on Broadway in early September 2023.
Later that same month, the two were seen out together for the first time at, naturally, Grande’s favorite place on Earth, Disney World. In photos shared by TMZ, the duo walked around the Florida theme park arm-in-arm.
A source close to Grande and Slater told E! News after the excursion, “they went with a big group of friends including her mom and brother and are really happy and really good for each other.”
KHAP / BACKGRID
It’s Supernatural: October 2023
The costars engaged in some subtle PDA at dinner in New York City in photos obtained by TMZ. A few weeks later, Grande stepped out to support Slater during previews of Spamalot on Broadway where he played The Historian/Prince Herbert.
Grande was gleaming as she made her way out of St. James Theater alongside friends, sporting a paper crown from the show and clutching a Playbill.
Ariana Grande/Instagram
She Loves to Seem Him From Her POV: November 2023
Grande later attended the opening night of Spamalot and shared an Instagram post highlighting her evening. In the photos, Grande sported an elegant black dress and accessorized with sheer black gloves and a Spamalot cup. The last slide of her carousel included a nod to the cast—which included Slater—with a message reading, “Happy Opening of Broadway Show.”
Elsa/Getty Images
Doing Winter Things: December 2023-January 2024
In a rare life update on Instagram in Dec. 2023, Grande showed off some of her holiday celebrating a photo of a wall Christmas tree with a Spam can ornament. Fans quickly pointed out the connection to Slater, as Spamalot was running on Broadway at the time.
On Dec. 23, 2023, the couple stepped out with Grande’s father Ed Butera for dinner in New York City.
That same month, Grande teased new music and would go on to announce Eternal Sunshine in early 2024. Although no songs are explicitly about Slater on the album, fans pointed out that the album’s initials, E.S., coincidentally—or not—match the initials of Ariana’s boyfriend.
Frankie Grande / Instagram
Love Isn’t Completely Off The Table: Summer 2024
In March 2024, Ariana and ex Dalton Gomez finalized their divorce. That summer, Grande’s brother Frankie Grande gave her new romance his stamp of approval.
“I love him,” Frankie said of Slater in a June 2024 interview with TooFab. “He’s a very sweet guy.”
A few days after Frankie’s interview went live, Grande and Slater attended the 2024 Stanley Cup final in Florida together—marking their most public joint outing since their romance debut.
Don Arnold/WireImage
This Is the True Story: September 2024
In an interview with Vanity Fair published in Sept. 2024, Grande addressed her romance with Slater publicly for the first time—pushing back on the speculation of the couple's romantic timeline overlapping with their previous relationships.
“It definitely doesn’t get any easier, seeing some of the negativity that was birthed by disreputable tabloids,” she told the outlet. “Of course, I went through a lot of life changes during the filming of this movie. A lot of people that were working on it did.”
Grande went on to defend Slater against any negativity thrown at him.
“There couldn’t be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him,” Grande added. “No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about. There is no one on this earth with a better heart, and that is something that no bullshit tabloid can rewrite in real life.”
That same month, Slater finalized his divorce with ex Lilly Jay—with whom he shares a young son.
Saverio Marfia/Getty Images
Imperfect For Each Other: November 2024
A month after he showed support for Grande’s October 2024 Saturday Night Live hosting gig, Slater addressed their relationship—and the scrutiny surrounding it—for the first time.
“It was an amazing year and a really beautiful thing,” Slater reflected on falling in love with Grande while filming Wicked in a Oct. 2024 GQ interview. “I’m just really excited. I’m just really, really proud of Ari and the work she’s done on this. She’s poured herself into it.”
Still, Slater admitted he found it difficult to wait for people to like him again as they clung to their papers and pens.
“I think there was something that was really difficult about things in your private life being commented on and looked at by the public,” he added. “There were a lot of big changes in private lives that were really happening, so it’s really hard to see people who don’t know anything about what’s happening commenting on it.”
But he was able to block out the noise somewhat. As he added of Grande’s song “Imperfect For You,” which is rumored to be about him, “I love that song.”
Media-Mode / SplashNews.com
Magical Moments: November 2024
One short day in the Emerald City, or rather in the Australian city of Sydney, Grande and Slater attended a press event for Wicked and wrapped their arms around each other.
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