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Out of all the characters on The Simpsons, Ralph Wiggum quotes are almost always more off-the-wall than those by other characters. Although the Springfield residents often ridicule and pay him no attention due to his irrational ramblings, Ralph has proven himself to be a kind and considerate young boy. Every time he is on the screen, it is almost assured that he will end up in some awkward situation. The show wouldn't be the same either if it wasn't for his one-liners and childlike antics.
Ralph Wiggum first appeared in the very first episode of The Simpsons, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire," and remains a popular character all these years later. The son of Police Chief Wiggum, Ralph is also a classmate of Lisa Simpson, and the best Ralph Wiggum quotes are those that show both his wide-eyed innocence and an air of obliviousness. These quotes are also often repeatable and remain some of the best of any character on the long-running animated series.
20 "The Baby Looked At Me"
Season 8, Episode 19 - "Grade School Confidential"
In the season 8 episode "Grade School Confidential," Bart Simpson leads all his classmates down the hall to the janitor's closet. When he opens the door, everyone sees Principal Skinner and Miss Krabaple making out. It was a shocking moment for all the kids, and Bart was able to get one up on Mr. Skinner. This, as expected, led to many of the kids going home to tell their parents what happened. While some seemed disturbed, it was Ralph Wiggum that got things taken care of.
Ralph went to his parents, who were sitting in their kitchen, and explained that he had seen "Principal Skinner and Miss Krabaple were in the closet making babies, and I saw one of the babies, and then the baby looked at me." The idea that he somehow imagined that he saw a baby in the closet looking at him is either very disturbing or very confusing. Either way, his dad said, "The baby looked at you?" and then called the superintendent, which possibly saved Bart's life the next day at school.
19 "It Says Bee And There's A Picture Of A Bee On It"
Season 4, Episode 15: "I Love Lisa"
It isn't necessarily the quote itself that is memorable, as it is everything that came before it. In this episode, Ralph Wiggum realizes that he likes Lisa, and he gets her a special card that shows his feelings. However, Ralph realized that it wasn't going to happen, and he began to get sad and depressed. This led to his greatest moment when he got to play George Washington in the school's play about U.S. Presidents. His performance was the best of the entire play, partially because of his sadness.
Nancy Cartwright, who also voices Bart Simpson, has been the actress behind Ralph Wiggum since the very beginning of The Simpsons.
He was so good that he convinced the school's losers that they wanted to learn more about presidents, so they rushed to the library. It also caused older audience members to find it touching and brilliant. This ended with everyone asking Ralph for his autograph, and he was on top of the world. The best part came when Lisa gave him a card that said they should be friends, and Ralph showed his childlike wonder because of the pun on the card's message, and everything was back to normal.
18 "Oh Boy, Sleep! That's Where I'm A Viking!"
Season 7, Episode 5: Lisa The Vegetarian"
Ralph Wiggum has had plenty of great quotes in The Simpsons, but one of his best involved him connecting sleeping with being a Viking. This quote is so memorable that it has even become debated as to what the words really mean. Writer Josh Weinstein explained the meaning was simple and wasn't a metaphor. Instead, he said:
" Yes, again, it's the simplest answer - Ralph dreams of being a Viking. "
This is the opposite of the thought that he was "so good at sleeping, he was a Viking at it." The episode itself had Ralph eating a worm in class. As a result, Ms. Hoover tells him that he needs to go to sleep after eating it, and this gets Ralph really excited. He exclaims that this is exciting because he gets to be a Viking when he is asleep. Ralph is not a complex character, so this comment almost surely only means that he dreams of being a Viking, which is more exciting than his normal life.
17 "That's Where I Saw The Leprechaun. He Told Me To Burn Things."
Season 9, Episode 18: "This Little Wiggy"
There were a ton of great quotes in The Simpsons' season 9 episode, "This Little Wiggy." This was where Bart's parents forced him to spend time with Ralph Wiggum since they knew the boy needed friends. Bart wanted nothing to do with it but ended up fascinated by the bizarre world inside of Ralph's mind. It was more than just a vivid imagination, and Bart realized that Ralph might be even more dangerous than him due to his delusions. This quote is an example.
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It started with Ralph showing Bart around his play area. He showed Bart his toys, then showed off his sandbox, and he explained he can't go in the "deep end." However, when he stopped and pointed to a large stone, he said that was where he saw the leprechaun. Bart laughed it off, knowing that leprechauns don't exist. However, when Ralph finishes by saying, "He told me to burn things," Bart suddenly realizes that something is definitely not right in Ralph's head.
16 "My Knob Tastes Funny"
Season 8, Episode 14 - "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"
There might not be a more immature kid in The Simpsons than Ralph Wiggum. In this season 8 episode, a man running a television focus group goes to the kids to find out why they don't like watching The Itchy & Scratchy Show anymore. He gives them small knobs where they will turn to one side if they like something and then to the other side if they don't. However, the only comment from the kids comes from Ralph Wiggum, who says the knob tastes funny as he has it in his mouth.
It is ridiculous and fits Ralph's personality perfectly. After the response from the focus leader, telling the kids not to taste their knobs, it further drives home the entire innuendo of Ralph talking about tasting his knob. The main punchline comes later in the episode. When a guy starts yelling, and Ralph starts crying and immediately turns the knob, it pays off the gag perfectly.
15 "This Is My Swing Set. This Is My Sandbox, I'm Not Allowed To Go In The Deep End."
Season 9, Episode 18 - "This Little Wiggy"
In "This Little Wiggy," Bart goes to Ralph's house after they have a play date at the Simpson's household. This episode is full of hilarious Ralph Wiggum quotes as he's part of the episode's main plot. Bart is more interested in Chief Wiggum's various police paraphernalia around the house, but Ralph wants to show him his outside toys instead. Ralph shows him his swingset and his sandbox, which somehow has a deep end. The contrast with Bart shows Ralph's overall innocence very clearly.
14 "I'm A Star Wars."
Season 21, Episode 10 - "Once Upon A Time In Springfield"
In "Once Upon a Time in Springfield," everyone in Lisa's Springfield Elementary School class dresses up as inspiring women throughout history and gives a presentation about who they're dressed up as. Many people in the class chose various real-life Princesses from history, like Princess Diana. As usual, Ralph had to be different from the rest. As the teacher explains who all was represented, she looks at Ralph, and he plainly says "I'm a Star Wars," while dressed as Princess Leia.
13 "Slow Down, Bart! My Legs Don’t Know How To Be As Long As Yours."
Season 9, Episode 18 - "This Little Wiggy"
In "This Little Wiggy," Marge decides to set up a play date between Ralph and Bart, which at first annoys Bart, but when he goes to Ralph's house and finds that his father has various police equipment and case files lying around the house, he changes his mind. Ralph tries to walk with Bart, and he pleads with him that his legs aren't as long, and he can't keep up. However, he says it in a way that only Ralph Wiggum could, as he just feels that his legs don't have the same experience as the older Bart's legs.
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12 "I'm A Unitard."
Season 18, Episode 7 - "Ice Cream Of Margie (With The Light Blue Hair)"
In "Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)," Homer decides to buy an ice cream truck and live out his dreams of selling ice cream all day. Marge decides she needs to let out her creative side as well and begins to build sculptures out of the used popsicle sticks from the popsicles that Homer sells. In the episode, Ralph decides to smash an ice cream cone on his head and means to say that he's a unicorn, but he hilariously says unitard instead. It is one of many instances where Ralph just mispronounces words.
11 "If Mommy's Purse Didn't Belong In The Microwave, Why Did It Fit?"
Season 26, Episode 22 - "Mathlete's Feat"
In "Mathlete's Feat," Lisa is excited to turn her elementary school into a Waldorf school full of hands-on learning after the technological advances in the school are destroyed. One part of the montage showing Springfield Elementary changing to the new program shows the students asking any question they want without worrying about raising their hands or having a filter. Ralph asks this completely nonsensical question that suggests he had recently put his mom's purse in the microwave.
10 "Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers, I'm Learneding."
Season 10, Episode 7 - "Lisa Gets An A"
In "Lisa Gets an A," the episode sees Lisa Simpson struggle with her guilt after she cheats on a test and gets a high score. Despite confessing to Skinner, the school board forces her to cover up her mistake because her 'A' had provided Springfield Elementary with financial aid. Now, they can buy basic equipment and necessities for the school.
This particular Ralph Wiggum quote has been immortalized thanks to memes
While Skinner, Chalmers, and Lisa inspect the school, they walk into the computer room where they see Ralph playing on the console. It is here that Ralph delivers the iconic line with so much glee, and this particular Ralph Wiggum quote has been immortalized thanks to memes. While Chalmers looks on bemused, Ralph once again shows that he mostly has no idea what he is talking about.
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9 "And When The Doctor Said I Didn't Have Worms Anymore, That Was The Happiest Day Of My Life."
Season 3, Episode 14 - "Lisa The Greek"
In "Lisa the Greek," the viewers see Miss Hoover's class read out their assignments on what was their best day ever. Although the audience misses a large chunk of Ralph's, they, unfortunately, manage to catch the end of it. At some point in his life, it appears that Ralph had contracted worms and provided a very detailed and graphic account.
While the viewers were glad to miss how he got the infection, they couldn't help but laugh at the story because it was such a "Ralph" thing. It's also quite funny when one realizes that out of all his happiest memories, this is his favorite.
8 "Plant It And You'll Grow A New Ralph."
Season 25, Episode 11 - "Specs and The City"
Ralph's childish naivety provides plenty of laughs, but if one line stands out, it is the one in "Specs and The City." As Springfield approaches Valentine's Day in The Simpsons, the children of Springfield Elementary are seen making cards for their friends. Lisa receives one from Ralph containing one of his teeth. When Lisa asks why his tooth was in her card, he tells her to plant it, so she can grow another Ralph. His childlike innocence gets funnier the more he admits that he doesn't know how the world works.
7 "I'm In Danger."
Season 13, Episode 1 - "The Simpsons Guy"
Since it has become one of the most relatable and popular memes on the Internet, another funny quote has to be "I'm in danger." In "The Simpsons Guy," two of television's most popular sitcoms merge as the Simpsons and the Griffins meet. All seems to be well until the two family patriarchs start fighting over beer.
As their battle falls into the streets, Homer Simpson and Peter find themselves stealing a school bus and driving around in it recklessly. Despite knowing that he is in danger sitting there, it is hilarious to see how calm Ralph Wiggum appears as he delivers this deadpan quote. Many fans have even used this quote to relate to their jokes.
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6 "Your Eyes Need Diapers."
Season 15, Episode 16 - "The Wandering Juvie"
Fans may remember this quote from the episode, "The Wandering Juvie," which saw Bart sent to a Juvenile Correctional Facility after he scammed the town. As Bart is led away, fans can't help but sympathize with Marge Simpson as she starts crying. However, to break the tension, Ralph is in the scene. As Marge ends up being tricked into hugging Ralph, the young boy ends up lightening the mood by saying her "eyes need diapers." It's cleverly scripted and quite funny when looking at how it's delivered.
5 "Lies Are Like Stars, They Always Come Out... I Have Five Face Holes."
Season 30, Episode 12 - "The Girl on the Bus"
While Ralph Wiggum has often come out with some ramblings, there have also been times when he has made a lot of sense. In "The Girl on the Bus," Lisa is seen to be lonely as she dreams of being friends with someone similar to her. As she is riding the school bus, Lisa meets another young girl who shares many interests with her. Since their families are complete opposites, Lisa gets a thrill from keeping them separate.
Ralph's original quote is not only philosophical but also very good advice.
However, Ralph soon shocks her when he advises her to tell the truth because it comes out in the end. Yet this profoundness doesn't last when he rambles off again. Nevertheless, Ralph's original quote is not only philosophical but also very good advice, something unusual for the boy. Luckily, he then adds the end, which shows this is still Ralph Wiggum talking.
4 "Can You Open My Milk, Mommy."
Season 7, Episode 16 - "Lisa the Iconoclast"
In "Lisa the Iconoclast," Ralph's classmates ridicule him for calling Miss Hoover "Mommy." While Ralph does it intentionally, it is funny because of how relatable it is. For instance, fans could probably recall an instance where they or a friend have accidentally called their teachers 'mom' or "dad." Especially if there is a strong resemblance present. Naturally, everyone would laugh, but it would soon be forgotten as something else would get their attention. That's why it's such a memorable line.
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3 "I Was Done Before We Came In."
Season 20, Episode 11 - "How The Test Was Won"
Another funny quote of Ralph's that had fans laughing is the one that occurred in "How The Test Was Won." In this episode, Ralph, Bart, Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney go on a field trip as the other students take their examinations. While on the trip, Skinner makes a pit stop as Ralph insists on going to the bathroom. As Skinner waits, the principal's patience gets tested when Ralph starts singing. When Skinner asks if he is finished, Ralph humorously says he was done before he even walked in.
2 "I Want To Be A Triangle."
Season 16, Episode 2 - "All's Fair in Oven War"
In "All's Fair in Oven War," this episode sees Bart and Milhouse attempting to live the bachelor lifestyle after being inspired by several articles in Homer's adult magazines. While at school, Bart invites his classmates to the party, telling them to "be there or be square." While everyone knows Bart meant a person would be uncool if they didn't come, Ralph takes it in the literal sense as he insists on being a "triangle." It's these little comments that add to his character's humor and show his childlike innocence.
1 "Me Fail English...That's Unpossible."
Season 6, Episode 8 - "Lisa on Ice"
Out of all The Simpsons scenes with Ralph, the funniest has to be the young boy's response when he realizes he failed English. In "Lisa on Ice," the episode opens with the children of Springfield Elementary in an assembly, listening to Principal Skinner read out the names of those who were failing a subject.
When Skinner reads out Ralph's name, the young boy runs on stage with glee because he thinks he has won a raffle. When Skinner corrects Ralph, telling him he is failing English, the second-grader doesn't believe him. He insists it is "unpossible." For years, fans have praised the comedic irony in this statement.
The Simpsons is a long-running animated TV series created by Matt Groening that satirically follows a working-class family in the misfit city of Springfield. Homer, a bit of a schmoe who works at a nuclear power plant, is the provider for his family, while his wife, Marge, tries to keep sanity and reason in the house to the best of her ability. Bart is a born troublemaker, and Lisa is his super-intelligent sister who finds herself surrounded by people who can't understand her. Finally, Maggie is the mysterious baby who acts as a deus ex machina when the series calls for it. The show puts the family in several wild situations while constantly tackling socio-political and pop-culture topics set within their world, providing an often sharp critique of the subjects covered in each episode. This series first premiered in 1989 and has been a staple of Fox's programming schedule ever since!
Release Date December 17, 1989
Seasons 35
Network FOX
Showrunner Al Jean
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