'The Little Mermaid' Review - Fairytale Horror Might Be the Worst Movie of 2024

There’s a common error made by filmmakers in the horror genre that has led to some appalling movies: they forget that horror should be fun. This isn’t to say that all horror movies should have some humor or camp; I’m not asking Ari Aster to pump up his stories of grief and trauma with cheesy one-liners. But when you set out with a B-movie concept of remaking a fairytale that is most known for its Disney adaptation into a horror movie, the last thing you should do is take yourself too seriously. And, yet, that is exactly what happens in Leigh Scott’s The Little Mermaid.

Coming just a year after Disney’s live-action remake, and in the throes of an era of children’s stories being remade into bloody horror B-movies like Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey, The Little Mermaid can barely call itself a horror film for lack of terror or graphics. But it’s too sloppy and cheap to be an enthralling drama either. Its glossy poster (which genuinely looks to have cost more than the entire movie) promises a demon-like mermaid with razor-blade teeth swimming with the velocity of Jaws. Instead, what we get is a pathetic loser in Eric (Mike Markoff), a good dose of cultural appropriation, and an Ariel (Lydia Helen) who resembles a British housewife on Valium rather than an otherworldly creature.

2024's 'The Little Mermaid' Attempts to Turn the Fairytale Into a Horror Movie

On a Caribbean island, yassified Steve Irwin — I mean, Dr. Eric Prince, is an archaeologist/adventurer softboi who drowns his romantic woes with rum and a lot of smoldering. (Genuinely, I don't think this man opens his eyes fully once throughout the movie's entire runtime.) He is leading a dig that uncovers exciting discoveries such as human remains and remnants of ancient artifacts. When meeting with a local artifact dealer, Eric hears of a mysterious woman on the island who can get hold of centuries-old items — this is, of course, a sultry redhead named Aurora (why she isn't named Ariel, I don’t know).

Aurora speaks with an imperial English accent and has a seemingly endless pit of money and a mansion overlooking the sea. Eric is immediately infatuated with her, but what he doesn’t know, and we do, is that Aurora is indeed a mermaid — but she’s nothing like Disney's Ariel. A scene earlier in the movie shows her attacking two fishermen, killing one and using her mind control abilities (accompanied by some hilarious special effects) to employ the other — a white man in dreadlocks (because when in the Caribbean!) as her goon. She buys the land Eric is excavating —the movie is fairly quick to gloss over the white colonization of it all — and starts to put her plan in place, with Eric at the center.

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Eric’s team finds a temple belonging to a God-worshiping cult that may or may not tie in with Aurora’s evil plan, Eric and Aurora start banging, and Eric’s friend (the only character who somewhat resembles a real person), Reggie (Jeff Denton), arrives and knows Aurora ain’t no human lady. From there, it’s a mishmash of B-movie tropes with a self-serious tone that results in an atrocious film, even by direct-to-video standards.

'The Little Mermaid' Is a B-Movie Without Any of the Comedy or Camp

Image Via Grindstone Entertainment Group

To compare The Little Mermaid to the likes of Psycho or Hereditary is a reductive and futile effort. Not every horror movie is equal, and that’s what people love about this genre. If you want low-hanging fruit with campy dialogue, gory practical effects, and characters so stupid you want to throw your popcorn at the screen, that’s just as valid a request as wanting to watch what some consider “elevated horror.” But, if you are going to make one of these movies, you have to make them fun.

That’s what separates a corny B-horror movie and a film that is just plain unwatchable. The Little Mermaid is secured in the latter camp because it takes itself too seriously without putting that same commitment into the craft. The sets are bare and clinical, the dialogue is laughably bad, and there are no scares to be found. I’m a diehard fan of the “when sea animals attack” genre, and while no one is saying Deep Blue Sea was robbed of Best Picture, it’s a wildly enjoyable and entertaining watch. Meanwhile, The Little Mermaid features two very quick and oddly murky sequences of Aurora as a mermaid; there’s no build-up to her attacks, and there’s exactly one moment of full-on gore.

'The Little Mermaid's Performances Make the Script Worse

Image Via Grindstone Entertainment Group

It’s not like the cast ruins what could’ve been a decent film, as the material lends them no favors. Still, the acting is what punches the movie down to unwatchable territory. It’s certainly an intriguing idea to ramp up Eric’s softboi sensibilities from the Disney film, and how gullible he is to be led on by Vanessa and risk his entire world for Ariel. Yet, Markoff is too busy taking the producer’s note of smoldering too far, and his contorted Blue Steel expresion prevents him from expressing any real emotions. He’s a certified hunk and himbo, and it would’ve made much more sense to let Markoff play to these sensibilities. But Eric is probably what you’d get if you crossed a gym bro with Stiffler from American Pie and asked him to do an impression of Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Helen completely misses the mark as Aurora, with her lethargic dialogue becoming tedious after five minutes. She never feels otherworldly enough to be a mermaid, nor does she try to sound like a human villain. Samuel Selman's Archie, Eric’s right-hand man, and Jeff Denton's Reggie do their best to ground the increasingly absurd plot, despite the latter getting some of the worst dialogue; “You bet your ass I would, sister!” he delivers with his chest in the boring finale.

The Little Mermaid is the product of when reality and intention fail to merge. In order to remake a fairytale that Disney has cornered the market on into a horror movie, you need to be funny or scary — preferably both. But with a lack of any undersea horror action, off-kilter characterization punctuated by poor acting, and a script that is taking itself way more seriously than it has any right to, there’s no enjoyment to be taken from this shameless attempt to capitalize on a lucrative IP.

The Little Mermaid releases digitally on December 17.

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The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid is a shameless attempt to capitalize on existing IP, with no effort to make good on its horror premise.

Pros

• Jeff Denton and Samuel Selman are doing their best to ground the ridiculous story.

Cons

• The movie is devoid of horror sequences, with bad CGI taking away from any sense of terror or dread.
• Helen and Markoff make some very strange and ill-fitting decisions that take the viewer immediately out of the story.
• The story at the center is underbaked and contrived.