The Bachelor's Tara Pavlovic opens up about the exact moment her marriage ended and reveals she was 'dosed up on Valium in bed' as her relationship fell apart: 'I stayed quiet for so long'

Bachelor star Tara Pavlovic has opened up about the breakdown of her five-year marriage with Nick Shepherdson.

The mother-of-two, 36, announced her split from her husband in April, later saying it was the 'last resort' after a year of struggling in the relationship.

Now, she has revealed on the Life Uncut podcast the exact moment she realised she and Nick had to separate and how she was 'dosed up on Valium in bed' by the end.

'It got to a point where I just stayed quiet for so long. I kind of stopped bringing things up because nothing was kind of working,' she said.

'And I just felt like, well, I can't control anything. I'm just going to try and do me. And then I remember saying to him, "I'm worried. I'm so disconnected.

'"Like I don't even care if we fight or anything. I don't care if you go away. I don't care about anything." And he was like, "Oh, God, okay."' 

'So I went back to therapy... And I kept trying and trying and trying. I was trying for the kids,' she continued.

'I've got nothing left to give to the relationship, but I'm just going to try because I don't want a broken family for the kids.'

However, the former reality TV star said she 'got to the point where the penny dropped' and she realised the relationship with Nick just wasn't going to work. 

'A marriage is where you're meant to just be so connected and just adore that person. And you're meant to work as a team,' she said. 

'And I felt like it was so fake from my end because I was like, I'm trying so hard and I just feel so empty and like numb in here. 

'And I just can't do it anymore. I was starting to have panic attacks.'

Tara said the final moment came for her during couples counselling when her therapist asked why she was staying in the relationship.  

'I was like, "For the kids." And she's like, "It's not enough. It's just not enough,"' Tara recalled.

'So having that third party was so helpful in keeping our conversation calm and not reactive, which we really struggled to do in the house,' she added.

'It would always just get to the point of a fight. And I'm like, we need a mediator.'

Tara went on to say her children - son Paddy, five, and daughter Edi-Rae, three - 'weren't getting the best version' of their mother.

'They don't deserve a mum who's dosed up on Valium in bed because she can't cope with life. That's not okay,' she said.

'A lot of women turn to alcohol to cope and I don't want to get to that point where I'm relying on stuff to actually get through the day and I'm not present. 

'They need a mum who's stable and I was completely unstable. So I feel like it was my only option. It was the last option. I exhausted every other option.'

Tara announced the end of her marriage in April in a solemn Instagram post.

'I know there's been a lot of speculation about what's been going on in my life lately, so I wanted to share this in my own words. Nick and I have separated,' she wrote.

'This hasn't been a quick or easy decision,' she continued.

'It's something we've been trying to work through for a long time, and for a while, I honestly didn't even know what the outcome would be.

'But after a lot of thought, I've come to the decision that this is what's best moving forward.

'The last eight months have been incredibly challenging, and I know many of you have probably felt that through my content as I have been an absolute mess.

'There's been a lot happening behind the scenes, and a lot I've been processing privately.

'Our kids will always be our priority, and everything I've done has been with them at the centre of it.

'As hard as this is, I truly believe this is the best thing for them, because they deserve a happy, present mum and I finally feel like I'm getting back to that place.'

Tara said that she was holding onto excessive stress due to the breakdown of her marriage and felt her body was now at peace.

'I don't think I fully realised how much it was affecting me until I started to feel calm again. Sometimes your body knows long before your mind is ready to accept it,' she wrote.

The former reality star said she won't be sharing details of what led to the split but was doing 'okay'.

She wrote in her caption: 'I know there's curiosity, but with children involved, some things will remain private.

'It's hard to navigate when my job is to literally share my life with others but I'm sure anyone with a reasonable thinking brain will understand why I won't share the intimate details of this.

'My priorities here are the kids and making sure the co-parenting relationship is healthy for them.

'I'm finally feeling back in alignment with myself, and for the first time in a long time, I feel excited for what's ahead.

'Do I believe in love anymore? Absolutely not. But I hope one day I will again,' she concluded.

Tara and Nick tied the knot in an intimate ceremony in September 2020, after being forced to postpone their wedding in April due to the pandemic.

The former couple went public with their romance in August 2018, just two months after reports Tara had separated from her Bachelor In Paradise fiancé Sam Cochrane.

The pair had known each other for 10 years before exploring a relationship together in 2018.

Tara rose to fame on Matty 'J' Johnson's season of The Bachelor in 2017.