Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' widow Allison reveals she found out a 'triggering' discovery just before his funeral

Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' widow Allison Holker revealed how she discovered that sexual abuse as a child led to his addiction before suicide at 40 in December 2022.

The 36-year-old dancer - who recently went Instagram official with new boyfriend Adam Edmunds - got candid about how she found out about her late husband's drug addiction while preparing for his funeral.

Best known as the DJ on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Boss was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in a Los Angeles motel at the age of 40 in 2022.

She told People magazine in an article published on Tuesday that she had uncovered a 'cornucopia' of drugs including mushrooms, pills, and 'other substances that I had to look up on my phone' which were hidden in his shoe boxes.

Holker explained: 'I was with one of my really dear friends, and we were cleaning out the closet and picking out an outfit for him for the funeral.'

'It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed. It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about].

'It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.'

She then went through his journals in order to find a sense of clarity and she found a very painful secret which she says was even hidden from those closest to him as she read that he had alluded to being sexually abused by a male figure during his childhood in several entries.

Holker explained: 'He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn't want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much.

'He didn't want other people to take on his pain.'

The dancer said that she initially had felt betrayed by his secrets but her perspective has changed over time.

She said: 'Reading Stephen's journals, and even going back into the books he had read and the things that he was highlighting and lining, really gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with.

'It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding.'

Holker and Boss share three children together: Weslie, 16, Maddox, 8, and Zaia, 5.

The morning he went missing Boss had dropped off their eldest Weslie - who happened to be the last person to see him alive - at school and his final words to her were: 'I wish I could be your Superman.'

Holker revealed that their child is still at the same school as she explained: 'Having someone say last words to you that you didn't really process at the time as being anything wrong... that's really hard, especially as a teenager.

'She handles it with far more grace than she should have to. We took the steps to really help her and communicate with her and make her feel seen and heard.

'I think she also sees those words as something beautiful, and also ugly. It's a battle that she's going to always have with herself, but I know she can see it from both sides.'

Holker is also set to release her vulnerable new memoir - titled This Far: My Story Of Love, Loss, And Embracing The Light - which is set for release on February 4. 

This came months after she revealed how it felt to live in their marital home after his tragic suicide - and why she ultimately sold the property.

Holker saw her world thrown into disarray as she found herself attempting to pick up the pieces and raise their children alone. 

Now she has bared her soul about the experience of living in their house after his death, which occurred in a motel just 15 minutes' walk away. 

She described the home as a 'security blanket' but confessed that the 'emotions' attached to it eventually began to 'swallow us,' on the SoFi podcast Richer Lives. 

'You know, that home was our security blanket for a really long time. We loved that home. It always felt so safe to us,' she said. 

'But it did take a turn, and a lot of people don't talk about that after grief, is like - I was holding onto these past emotions, thinking it was saving me, but it started to swallow us,' the professional dancer shared.

'And it was a very, very big decision to uproot my children. Right? Their lives had already been so changed. I was like: "Is it okay for me to do this to them?"'

However she found that leaving the house 'was the best decision for us, because when we moved, we bought a new home and that became our sanctuary. It was like the final step to our hearing, where now we could leave that in the past, and we could finally take a step forward for each other, and it became freedom.'

Allison revealed that their new home 'became a place for us to find solace and create new memories and new beginnings and fresh starts, and everyone kind of felt like a weight was lifted off of our shoulders.'

She and tWitch purchased the home in the Los Angeles suburb of Encino for $2.7 million in 2019, and she sold it alone for $3.525 million in November 2023.

Built in 2018, the home included six bedrooms and six and a half bathrooms, and was decorated by the couple in collaboration with Pottery Barn.

Allison's latest disclosures about her grieving process come after she announced last month that she will publish a memoir called This Far in February.

Last month, she went public with her new boyfriend Adam Edmunds, the CEO of the software firm-focused property management company Entrata.

They made their romance red carpet official by posing together at the Alice + Olivia Spring 2025 show during New York Fashion Week.

She and Boss began dating in 2010 and married in 2013, one year before he landed his job as the beloved DJ on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. 

He adopted Holker's daughter Weslie, now 16, from a previous relationship, and the couple also had two children of their own - Maddox, eight, and Zaia, four.

In December 2022, he checked into to the Oak Tree Inn in the Los Angeles suburb of Encino - 15 minutes' walk from his house - and shot himself.

His body was discovered the morning after he arrived at the motel by a horrified maid who came upon him in a pool of blood in the bath. 

Boss' shock suicide prompted an outpouring of grief from fans around the world, and Holker was showered with sympathy.

Just weeks before his death, Boss and Holker had gone on The Jennifer Hudson Show and shared that they hoped to have another baby. 

Last December, Holker uploaded a touching Instagram post about mourning as she approached two milestones - what would have been her and Boss' 10th wedding anniversary, and three days after that, his first death anniversary.

'Grief never ends .. but every season of challenge has an expiration date. Keep believing and keep dancing through,' she wrote. 

The following month she revealed that she was open to the possibility of dating again, in an episode of Nick Viall's podcast The Viall Files.

'It was very hard for me to learn to like myself again and to learn to love myself again...it's a very complex situation I found myself in,' she said.

'It took me a long time to accept all of those things and those complexities of everything. But at the end of the day, I love life.'

When the subject of a new man came up, she said: 'Would I shy away from it? No. Am I looking for it? I don't know...but I'm definitely not shying away from it.'