Professor Green fights back tears as he reveals fears of taking his own life after his father, uncle and great uncle all died by suicide in emotional chat

Professor Green has opened up about his fears surrounding taking his own life after his father, uncle and great uncle all died by suicide in an emotional sit down.

The singer, 42, spoke candidly to Pete Wicks on his podcast Man Made about his mental health struggles and the impact the loss of his family had on him.

Fighting back tears at points during the conversation, Professor Green said he is 'not in a good place at the moment' and he is 'going through a lot'.

Speaking about the tragic deaths of some of his relatives, he said: 'I'm the same age my dad was when he took his own life, two years before that his brother.

'My namesake, his uncle, when he was 19. Never met him, he died before I was born. 

Sharing his fears that there is a genetic link, he said: #You look at that, and it is genetic, it's not as people have speculated before that ADHD is not genetic.'

Professor Green - who real name is Stephen Paul Manderson - also touched on growing up in the care of his great grandmother and how he struggled with her death.

He said: 'I was with my great grandmother and I was at school until I was 13. But after she passed there was no comfort, I couldn't regulate. 

'There was no space for that. There was no more blue blanket that I could get under, which was in our living room. She slept on an arm chair folded back.'

During their conversation, Pete spoke about his own experience with suicide, after previously revealing he saved his mother's life when she tried to kill herself when he was 11. 

Pete said: 'One of my greatest fears. My mum tried to take her own life when I was 11 and I found her

'She was going to leave me, because I wasn't good enough. I didn't understand the pain she was in and it's only as I've got older that I see it wasn't her, it was the pain she was in.

'I have a great relationship with her. But my greatest fears is if that is environmentally passed down. Do I have the capacity to do that, and leave people. Is that something you feel yourself?'

Professor Green's voice could be heard breaking as he said 'yeah'.

Pete replied: 'It's f***ing hard man, having properly spoken to you today, I find you fascinating and captivating - the way you speak is so eloquent. I see a lot of pain that I can relate to.

'But from the outside, I would have had no idea. That juxtaposition between actually feeling pain, sadness, loneliness all the time and nobody knowing what to do and how to show up.

'I never want to put people in a position where I feel like I'm a burden either, so I just front and mask non stop. And it makes it worse for me.

Professor Green, who is dad to a son from his relationship with ex Fae Williams, mused: 'And you just end up at home crying right? That's where I've been of late. And it's f**ing hard, I've got a son to show up for. And I do, and I will.

'In doing that for him [showing up for himself]. My nan is getting on now and was diagnosed in recent years with early onset dementia and her life was lived in service to others. 

'And she was never one for talking, and that's getting more difficult now. But that was hard for me because I wanted to ask about things. 

'I wanted to understand. But I also know that there is no amount of talking that has helped me thus far, in trying to be understood. I feel forever misunderstood.'

Professor Green and Fae welcomed their first child together, a son, in 2021. 

They have been quite private about their child, but he has occasionally shared moments of fatherhood on social media.

Before this, Professor Green was in relationships with Karima McAdams between 2016-2018 and former MIC star Millie Mackintosh from 2011 to 2016.

He married Millie in 2013, but they announced their separation in 2016, following a highly publicised relationship.

Professor Green recently shared a cryptic post about 'sailing ships,' shortly after ex-wife Millie confirmed she has ended her seven-year marriage to Hugo Taylor. 

Millie, who share daughters Sienna, five, and Aurelia, four, confirmed their separation in January following what has been described as a 'difficult' start to the year.

Taking to Instagram, he may well have been referencing his former wife and her current separation while sharing a tongue-in-cheek video of a boat colliding with a branch of Barclays bank.

Captioning the meme, he wrote: 'That ship has sailed... not very far it hasn't!'

He previously revealed he was back in touch with his 'beautiful' ex-wife – almost a decade after their acrimonious divorce.

Appearing on Jamie Laing's Great Company podcast in October, the rapper said he 'trauma bonded' with Millie over their previously undiagnosed ADHD.

He explained: 'If there wasn't that pressure, we may have never got married. It very nearly didn't happen.

'I remember having a conversation with my two best mates, Lewis and Phoenix. "Am I getting cold feet? What's going on here?" And one of them said yes. One of them said, No. I won't put him in it, because it's not their responsibility. 

'I made my own decision. We made our decision, and we didn't get married for the wrong reasons. We loved each other. 

'It was probably an element of trauma bonding. And it takes a lot to get to a place of going, "I had a significant part in that, 50% at least, because there were two of us in the situation, and it didn't work out."

'But hopefully we can both go forward and find happiness and belonging.' 

He also called his ex-wife 'beautiful' as he added: 'There's no resentment in me. She is gorgeous. We were not good for each other at that time.'  

The former couple finalised their divorce in May 2016, the same week she chose to go public with Hugo, her former Made In Chelsea co-star boyfriend.