Practical Magic 2 is truly the Hollywood sequel that shouldn't exist — there aren't enough midnight margaritas in the world to make me forget it immediately

"I like this... your molecules next to my molecules. It's chemistry," is a verbatim line from Practical Magic 2 that sent a wave of groans around my screening room in a way that I've never experienced collective groaning before. This, in a nutshell, sums up the experience of watching a legacy sequel that hasn't delivered.

Of course, we're living through an industry spike of dusting off old IPs for a box office resurgence, which in itself is frustrating. But in the main — think Top Gun: Maverick, Freakier Friday and The Devil Wears Prada 2 — these have been successful replicas. I've no doubt that Practical Magic 2 will do big theatrical numbers over the next few weeks... but where is the actual magic?

Whereas my three examples stayed largely true to the essence of their original stories, Practical Magic 2 has veered too far away from what made it so special to begin with. This time around, Sally Owens' (Sandra Bullock) daughters, Kylie (Joey King) and Antonia (Maisie Williams), are all grown up, but magic is no longer a part of their lives.

But when Kylie's boyfriend has a fatal accident, the Owens curse returns to the surface. It's up to Sally and Gillian (Nicole Kidman) to work together to make things right, which is where the sequel transforms from whimsical nineties Massachusetts vibes into a knockoff Harry Potter film.

It's a pretty underwhelming setup, and that's before we dissect the continually poor narrative choices that the creative team makes. Pretty soon, the action is split between the US and UK, and that's only bad news for everybody involved.

Practical Magic 2 comes too far away from what makes the original special

Before I get too carried away with the faults of Practical Magic 2, let's start with the good. When they're left to their own devices, the Owens sisters are as loving, mischievous and playful as they ever were, and those moments are a portal straight back to 1998. Their house is exactly as we left it, and spending time in their hometown is a bittersweet reminder of the cosy 90s whimsy we've left behind.

But the real stars of the show are Dianne Wiest (Aunt Jet) and Stockard Channing (Aunt Franny), for whom this sequel feels like an extension of who they were 28 years ago. When the storyline strays too far from what we want (more on that later), Practical Magic 2 still proves that the greatest love story ever told is between these two sisters... and by God, how lucky we are to have them, characters and actors alike.

From here, it's all downhill. It's almost difficult to critique the movie in exactly the way I want to, because in doing so, I'd spoil absolutely everything about it. So you're going to need to trust me when I say that at every conceivable turn, it lets the original down.

Let's start with the fact that Practical Magic 2 feels nothing like its predecessor — and reliving the feeling of the first is the number one reason why people will be buying a ticket. Yes, there are nods to the moments that put the first film on the map (such as the midnight margaritas), but they feel as though they've been included disingenuously.

Then there are the narrative decisions that made me wonder why a sequel was even being made in the first place (obviously for the money, Jasmine). 25 minutes in, there is a choice so catastrophic that the rest of the movie felt sullied, and the story only gets further from the events of the first film from there. We're trying to break a generational curse for a boy who means nothing to us? And not Sally's two lovely, but dead, husbands? Okay then.

The men somehow find themselves at the center of the drama, despite how much the dialogue vapidly thrusts the importance of sisterhood onto us. Aside from the haphazard CGI, our final showdown is bafflingly boring, with the real curse being having to listen to how a man we've never met before feels wronged because he can't have something that doesn't belong to him.

Joey King gets a huge slice of the action throughout all of this, but I can't help feeling sorry for Maisie Williams. We know how brilliant she is, yet she's incredibly underused... to the point where you might forget that she's actually in the movie. If I was an Owens, I'd be kicking off purely because of the huge sibling favouritism, put it that way.

It's a particularly hilarious watch if you're British

My favourite part — because it's so badly done — is the transition of Practical Magic 2 to UK soil. This shouldn't be too much of a surprise given how widely publicized their filming across the city was, but as a Brit, things take on an entirely different meaning.

We start with the introduction of sorcerer Ian Wright (Lee Pace), who the Aunts recommend to the Owens sisters to help Kylie. If you aren't from the UK, then you might not know that this is also the name of a very famous footballer and sports pundit, making every use of his full name (which is surprisingly a lot) leave me chanting his signature "Ian Wright Wright Wright!" heckle under my breath instead of staying rooted in the dwindling story.

As a friend of mine put it, "I'd have given this five stars if Wright had played this as himself," as seriously as Michael Caine in The Muppets Christmas Carol. Frankly, everything else that's happening is so woefully disconnected from the Practical Magic I know and love that I'd have genuinely enjoyed him running up to Bullock and booting a ball into the back of a net as a distraction.

But alas, Hollywood has given their view of England the Notting Hill treatment. If you didn't know better, you'd think that Agatha Christie-style trains could be picked up with ease between Paddington and North Weald stations, and that small aesthetic buses with charming drivers can drop you off in a town resembling the set of The Sheep Detectives.

The most offensive choice, in my opinion, is the insinuation that Brits eat savory pies with... custard. Served out of gravy boats, no less. I see it as my public duty to highlight that if you watch Practical Magic 2 before visiting England and try to ask for this in a local pub, you will be laughed out of there, and rightly so. The fact that this is the detail I feel most about in the entire movie tells you how low the mighty has fallen.

The cherry on the cake, however, is the unexpected casting of British comedic actor of Ghosts and Taskmaster fame, Katy Wix. She's not boozing in the background in UK scenes, but has instead inserted herself into the heart of the Owens' community back home. She plays a pivotal part in the party scene with a drunken auntie aura that I can only feel immensely proud of. Her face also suggests she has no idea how she's ended up starring alongside Bullock and Kidman. No notes.

Take my wittering on about bodged Britishisms that don't matter as a stark warning: if you are a true fan of the original, avoid Practical Magic 2 at all costs. Look what it has done to its legacy, and to me in turn. If this were the end of a war movie, I'd be telling you to save yourselves while I lay bleeding to death on a scenic European beach. Don't make my sacrifice be for nothing.

Follow TechRadar on Google News and add us as a preferred source to get our expert news, reviews, and opinion in your feeds.