New theme park manager Mars Attracts is the oddest bit of IP necromancy I’ve seen in quite some time

Ack actually this doesn’t look too bad

I shouldn’t be too surprised really. If a park sim based on Tim Burton’s 1996 B-Movie homage Mars Attacks wasn’t on my bingo card, it’s because I’ve recently binned it and replaced it with a bobble head that simply nods in amused acceptance at whatever videogames decide to do next. And conceptually, Jurassic World Evolution with captive humans instead of dinos isn’t not a potential winner, is it? Still, I was mildly bemused to learn that Mars Attracts, coming sometime next year, is the film’s first licensed game. But then I realised that I’d never thought to check before, which might go some way to explaining the lack of them. Do you reckon they did the pun then worked backwards from there? Respectable, honestly.

You’ll notice the way the trailer skips between historical periods. You’ve got a cowboy despairing at a theme park ride. An ancient Roman chap despairing at a ride. An astronaut despairing at a ride. Lots of despair at rides, is the theme here. The reason for all this despondency is that you’ll actually be travelling through time, as the Martians, to nab humans from different periods. Then, you’ll pop them on display in “highly customizable habitats” that mimic their natural surroundings. Once their good and docile, you can get to probing, unlocking new ways to amuse your guests. Apparently, they might try and do a runner if you probe them to much. Speaking as a human, this checks out.

On the ride front, things look far more Theme Park than Planet Coaster, with single fixed amusements rather than customisable tracks. I suppose Theme Park did have customisable tracks too. My main memory of it is the boggy crappers, because apparently my brain thinks that books I read last year are less important to retain than a poo joke from a 30 year-old game. Cheers for that, skull meat! Your skull meat in Mars Attracts, then, will be mainly put to work sorting utility grids, keeping your guests happy, and staying on top of escaped humans and environmental hazards.

It’s from Irish studio Outlier, who previously done This Means Warp - a lively mix of FTL and Overcooked. I’m always game for a good park sim, doubly so for a good probing, so I’m eager to see how this pans out.