Maura Higgins breaks down in tears as she reveals she 'blamed herself for so long' for her best friend's tragic death: 'I beat myself up over it, it would have been different'

Maura Higgins bravely opened up about her best friend's death, admitting she blamed herself for it, in an emotional new interview on Tuesday.

The Love Island icon, 33, reflected on how her close friend Andrew Rowan tragically died aged 26 when his motorbike was involved in a crash with three cars in Co Athlone, Ireland in 2017.

Maura shared how the tragic accident made her realise how short life can be and admitted she still struggles with the loss. 

Speaking to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Maura said: 'For so long I blamed myself for it because when I look back at that day, the day was so crazy. 

'I can't work my head around it. He called me and he'd finished work early, which wasn't really meant to happen. He was like "I have finished work early, lets grab some food". I was like "I can't be f***ed, I am still in my pyjamas I really can't be f***ed".'

Maura continued: 'I am not as bad as I was with it but I still think "why didn't I just go with him". He wouldn't have been on the motorbike, we would have been in his car, we would have got food and maybe the day would have been different.'

Holding back tears, the model said: 'I don't want to cry. I am so not a crier as well. I think I just beat myself up over it because it would have been different.' 

Paul asked the Irish star if she truly blames herself to this day, to which she replied: 'I just know it would have been different if I just got f***ing dressed and wasn't so lazy.'

Despite not going for dinner with Andrew, Maura revealed she had actually seen him on the day he died.

She shared: 'I didn't go for the dinner but I still saw him that day. I will never forget him arriving on the bike and I remember straight away saying "why are you on the bike?" He's not a biker and every time he was on it, I just didn't understand. I just didn't like it. He was like "it's a great day, it is a lovely day outside". 

'I will never forget when he left he said he was going to take a drive on the bike. I went into the toilet and I could hear his motorbike and I got these shivers.

'I remember thinking to myself, "Maura stop thinking bad". Then a few hours later I get a phone call. It is such a weird day when I look back.'

Reflecting on the moment she heard that Andrew had been killed in the accident, Maura admitted she didn't believe the news and called him 'maybe 100 times'.

She confessed she 'physically couldn't stop' as her boyfriend at the time broke the tragic news and said she knew it was true 'immediately' when she saw his face.

Elsewhere during the podcast, Maura admitted she 'didn't want to be here' after her sudden Love Island fame. 

The model, who starred on the ITV dating series in 2019, said she suffered with 'dark thoughts' after being 'dropped' in London from her native Ireland. 

Maura recalled the 'very scary' period in her life which saw her thrust into the public eye with no one she could trust. 

She began: 'Life after Love Island was a very hard time in my life.

'I was just dropped to the UK. It was like someone just picked me up, dropped me to the UK and I was in the public eye. I had nowhere to live. I had no friends, no family, nobody I could trust.'

Maura continued: 'I've done everything by myself. I've been independent my whole life. But that was a lot. That was scary. Very, very scary.

'And I remember a lot of times I was faking a smile. Work was so busy. I was getting barely any sleep.

'I was chased by the paps everywhere I went. I had no clothes. I had a suitcase with just Love Island bikinis that were probably crusty. 

'I had nothing, absolutely nothing. I was living out of a hotel in London because that’s where all my work was and it was way overloaded. There was no break.

'It was going from one thing to the next, like, to radio to this photo shoot to you've signed with brands.' 

She admitted: 'I had a breakdown. I had dark thoughts, very dark thoughts. And it got to a stage where I don't even think I told my mam. I tell my mum everything. I didn't tell her how bad it was.

'I didn't want to be here anymore. I thought that was going to be the best thing.

'There was so much expected from me. And because I was there on my own, I was like, "I've just nobody to help".

'Moving country while being thrown into the public eye is terrifying. I felt so mentally exhausted from just putting on the smile. There were so many things I did that I don’t even remember. I was miserable,' Maura revealed. 

The TV personality, who finished in fourth place on the fifth series of the UK show in 2019, is now the social media ambassador for Love Island USA. She has since appeared on Dancing on Ice and hosted segments on This Morning.