How to Stay Sober — and Still Socialize — During the Holidays

Bells are jingling, menorahs are being lit, and champagne glasses will soon clink as the clock strikes midnight. It's the most wonderful time of the year! Or is it? For those endeavoring to stay sober or drink less, the cheer of holiday parties and festive cocktails presents a challenge: how to say yes to celebration but no to alcohol.

It's no easy feat, psychotherapist Hanna Zipes Basel tells PS. "Staying sober during the holidays feels a bit like showing up to a costume party in regular clothes — like everyone's in on something, and you're the odd one out."

Even though it may feel that way, you're not alone in your efforts. There are many reasons people opt to eschew booze, from personal preference to issues with substance abuse, medication interactions, medical conditions, and religious restrictions. "Not drinking during the holiday season can enable one to be calmer during this turbulent period; it may actually assist in dealing with complicated and delicate situations more efficiently and with no impairment, enabling clear and focused thoughts," says physician Courtney Scott.

Regardless of your why, staying sober during the holidays can be especially arduous. "Everything about the season is designed to nudge you toward the easy answer," says Basel. "Feeling stressed? Pour a drink. Awkward small talk? Have a cocktail. A little too much family drama? Time for wine." The pressure to indulge is everywhere, and people don't always receive the news of a friend or loved one going sober with support and understanding. It may spur them to examine their own relationship with alcohol. "It's like you've shown up with a mirror, and they weren't planning on doing any self-reflection tonight," says Basel.

The good news? Difficult is not synonymous with impossible, and yes, millions have managed to stay sober during the holidays and have a jolly ol' time. Keep reading for expert-recommended tips to deter alcohol cravings while keeping your sober spirits high.

Experts Featured in This Article

Hanna Zipes Basel, LICSW, LADC, CST, is a licensed psychotherapist based in Minnesota and Oregon.

Courtney Scott, MD, specializes in addiction medicine and serves as the medical director of the Momentous Recovery Group based in California.

Tips For Staying Sober During the Holidays

Rewrite the Script

"The trick isn't to grit your teeth and bear it; it's to rewrite the experience entirely," says Basel. Set your intention to stay sober and honor your intuition: "If you can't stand the thought of a cocktail party, don't go. If baking cookies in your pajamas feels more like you, lean into that." If any part of your holiday plans or traditions feel challenging or create anxiety, pivot without hesitation.

Practice Saying No

The more you say no, the easier it will roll off of your sober tongue. Practice saying no thank you in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. "Have a default response ready when someone asks, 'Why aren't you drinking?' — even if it's just a confident shrug and a 'because I don't feel like it.'" Be firm, and remember you have every right to set boundaries.

Bring Your Own (Non-Alcoholic) Beverage

Bring yourself a sparkling cider or fancy soda — whatever makes you feel like you've got something special in hand. This will help you avoid the discomfort of unsolicited drink offers and prevent you from accidentally picking up the wrong beverage (possibly an alcoholic one) and taking a sip. The world of festive-but-free beverages is exploding, with everything from 0 percent cocktails to non-alcoholic wine. Or, simply concoct a mocktail and add a distinct bag charm or keychain to your glass.

Concoct a Quick Exit Plan

Being newly sober in a crowd of drinkers can ignite a roller coaster of unexpected emotions. You may find yourself overcome with anxiety or stress mid-festivities, and it's OK to make a quick and unannounced exit. "If something makes you uncomfortable – leave," says Scott. Drive solo to parties so no one depends on you for a ride home and attempts to pressure you into staying longer. (But if they do, confidently suggest they call an Uber.) Furthermore, always park your car in a spot that won't be blocked in by other cars.

Find Your People

The key to fulfilling sobriety is connection — the true spirit of the holidays. "The holidays try to tell us that the magic is in the cocktails and the toasts, but it's really in the moments of real connection, of laughing with someone who gets it, waking up clear-headed and proud of yourself," says Basel. Have an accountability partner, friend, or sobriety network on speed dial and use them to discuss your emotions and challenges. Don't isolate or stifle your emotions by trying to pretend you're fine. It's OK to not feel OK — even and especially during the holiday season.

Suzanne Eileen Hayes is a PS contributor.