2 weeks ago
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Gary Barlow has admitted that he 'wanted' to be fat at the height of his struggles with an eating disorder as he was trying to 'kill' his pop star persona.
The Take That star, 55, has opened up about his battle with an eating disorder in the band's new Netflix docuseries, sharing never-before-seen images from the height of his struggles.
In the series, Gary shared that he spent years trying to shed his boyband image when the band split, and as his weight increased to 17 stone, he noticed that people started to 'recognise' him less.
Opening up about his 'excruciating' bulimia struggles, Gary said: 'It was just so excruciating. You just wanted to crawl into a hole.
'There was a period of about 13 months when I didn't leave the house once. And I also started to put weight on. And the more weight I put on the less people would recognise me.
'I thought 'this is good, this is what I've been waiting for, living a normal life.' So I went on a mission. If the food passed me, I'd just eat it... and I killed the pop star.
Gary Barlowhas admitted that he 'wanted' to be fat at the height of his struggles with an eating disorder as he was trying to 'kill' his pop star persona
The Take That star has opened up about his battle with an eating disorder in the band's new Netflix docuseries, as well as the challenges of shedding his boyband image (pictured in 1992)
'I would have these nights where I'd eat and eat and eat, but however I felt about myself, I felt ten times worse the day after.'
In the series, Gary explained that he developed an eating disorder in the Nineties after his solo career failed to take off, admitting he was consumed with 'jealousy' at former bandmate Robbie Williams' success.
He confessed: 'I was incredibly competitive so yeah, I think I was jealous.'
Explaining that he lost his way after being dropped by his record label, Gary said he began to think: 'What am I going to do with the rest of my life?
'Because that's it with music now. I can't even walk down the street now without someone shouting something about Robbie to me.'
Gary became the subject of widespread mockery, and he 'saw it all', with the issue being compounded by Robbie publicly making jibes at him.
Detailing the start of his bingeing and purging cycle, Gary continued: 'One day I thought, I've been out, it's 10 o'clock, I've eaten too much, I need to get rid of this food.
'You just go off to a dark corner of the house and just throw up, just make yourself sick.
Gary shared that he spent years trying to shed his boyband image when the band split, and as his weight increased to 17 stone, he noticed that people started to 'recognise' him less
The Take That star explained that he developed an eating disorder in the Nineties after his solo career failed to take off
Speaking in the Take That Netflix docuseries, Gary confessed he lost his way after being dropped by his record label (pictured in 1991 when he was still in the band)
Gary became the subject of widespread mockery, and he 'saw it all'. (Pictured Steve Edge impersonating Gary in an episode of satirical series Star Stories, which was titled: The Take That Story: How Our Success Was Nothing to Do with Robert Williams)
Gary confessed: 'I went on a mission. If the food passed me, I'd just eat it... and I killed the pop star' (pictured with wife Dawn Andrews)
He added: 'I would have these nights where I'd eat and eat and eat, but however I felt about myself, I felt ten times worse the day after'
Gary's weight ballooned to 17 stone at the height of his battle before things came to a head in 2003, and he decided he 'wanted to change'
Gary said it took '10 years' to get back to 'how he wanted to be' after he tackled his eating disorder (pictured this month)
'You think it's only once and all of a sudden you're walking down that corridor again and again - is this it? Is this what I'm going to be doing forever?'
Gary's weight ballooned to 17 stone at the height of his battle before things came to a head in 2003.
He previously recalled: 'It was the day when I just went, 'No, I'm not having this anymore, I'm going to change. I want to change and I'm determined that this is not who I've become.'
'It only took a few years to get that low, but it took me years to get back to who I wanted to be. 10 years probably.'
Gary also revealed how he put his differences aside with Robbie after years of feuding.
He explained in the documentary that he and bandmates Howard Donald, Mark Owen and Jason Orange realised it was time to put the past behind them when reports began to emerge about Robbie's battle with drink and drugs.
Afraid of their former friend going off the rails they jetted to Los Angeles to be by his side, with Gary taking him aside for a private chat.
'I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say to Rob,' Gary recalled. 'He had a lot of stuff he wanted to say to me. We'd just never done it.'
Gary also revealed how he put his differences aside with Robbie Williams after years of feuding (L-R Robbie, Jason Orange, Howard Donald, Gary and Mark Owen in 1992)
Take That now comprises of Howard, Mark and Gary (pictured at the premiere of their Netflix series at Battersea Power Station on Monday)
Howard added: 'We went to his house and Robbie had a massive conversation with Gary. What he felt about Gary in the Nineties and how it hurt him and blah, blah, blah.'
Gary recalled: 'Things around me not being supportive about his songwriting, and about his weight interestingly.'
He confessed: 'I'd called him Blobby instead of Robbie one day - which I hold my hands up, I shouldn't have done.
'In about 20/25 minutes we'd put to bed things that had haunted us for years and it felt like we could move forward after that.'
If you've been affected by this story, help and support is available from BEAT Eating Disorders at 0808 801 0677 or [email protected]
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