Fox News’s Jesse Watters, a man so morally repugnant his own mother disinvited him from Thanksgiving dinner, sat in on a DOGE meeting Wednesday to huff Elon Musk’s farts. Video from that meeting was aired Thursday night, and while it wasn’t particularly enlightening, given you can’t trust anything Musk says these days, it did provide a rare glimpse at one of Musk’s young henchmen. Edward Coristine, more commonly known by the nickname Big Balls, chimed in during the meeting.
“Who’s Big Balls?” Watters asked with laughter from the all-male table of DOGE staff.
“It’s me,” Coristine said, raising his hand.
“That should be obvious,” Musk chimed in to more awkward laughter.
Big Balls, if you’ll recall, is the 19-year-old who was reportedly fired from his previous job at a cybersecurity company for allegedly leaking company secrets. He worked for Musk’s company, Neuralink, before getting hired to work for the so-called Department of Government Efficiency, which is currently dismantling the country. Big Balls is seen as an expert who can just rummage through the payment systems of the federal government, despite having no relevant expertise in auditing enormous institutions.
Coristine was asked by Watters why he’s called Big Balls and he explained that he set it as his username for LinkedIn because he liked to not take things too seriously and take risks. When they got to the substance of what Coristine was doing for DOGE, he insisted that he was looking to “root out fraud and waste” and he was looking at the payment systems.
“So you look at a specific line item, like $20 million. You’re like, OK, well, what is this money going to? And for the majority of payment systems, it’s like, well, we don’t really know,” Coristine said.
Needless to say, Coristine didn’t present any evidence for his claims, though it’s believable that he doesn’t know how any of this works. But Watters took it as fact that payment systems were just shelling out millions of dollars with no accountability. Watters credulously asked what the response was when Coristine found this remarkable amount of fraud and mimed an exaggerated shrugging of his shoulders.
“That’s the most common response,” Musk chimed in.
Frankly, it feels pretty ridiculous to even waste time discussing a person who has no right to be messing up the federal government in the ways that he currently is. But these are the people Musk has tasked with helping him take a chainsaw to our way of life and the things that keep America’s standard of living out of the toilet.
Much like Trump’s enormous tariffs that are just beginning to shake the U.S. economy to its core, the DOGE experiment is a self-inflicted wound. Trump, Musk, and their goons are unlawfully dismantling the infrastructure that keeps this country afloat. And these guys are constantly lying through their teeth to misrepresent the things they’re destroying.
Coristine provided no evidence that payments are being sent to nobody in particular or that people in the federal government don’t know what’s happening to the money as it’s sent from one entity to another. And until Coristine and Musk provide actual, concrete proof, we have no reason to believe them. Musk has previously claimed various payments were “fraud” or “waste” when they turned out later to be simply programs that he didn’t like.
Congressionally-authorized programs can’t just be rescinded because Trump or Musk or fucking Big Balls say they should be. We have a system, and that system isn’t being followed. These guys are destroying entire agencies for no other reason than that it doesn’t suit their purpose. And none of this stops until people in authority make it stop.
English (US) ·