All My Children legend Susan Lucci reveals if she ever had a 'meltdown' over 18 crushing Emmy losses in a row

Susan Lucci is finally putting to rest decades of speculation about how she handled one of television's most infamous award-show losing streaks.

In her new memoir La Lucci, released on Tuesday, the 79-year-old reflects candidly on losing the Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress an astonishing 18 years in a row for her role as Erica Kane on All My Children - and insists the aftermath was far calmer than rumors suggested.

'I am frequently asked how I felt not to win the Emmy all those years? That's easy! Not great,' Lucci writes, recalling the emotional toll of repeatedly hearing another name called. 

After her ninth loss, she admits she developed a kind of emotional defense mechanism.

'My hearing went numb,' she explained. 'I listened, but I didn't hear. I was always happy for my colleagues, who were also doing wonderful work, but I think it was more of a self-protective reaction so I wouldn't feel bad or get my hopes up too much.'

What Lucci is emphatic about, however, is what didn't happen once the cameras stopped rolling.

'Despite any rumors to the contrary, there were never any behind-the-scenes meltdowns after the show or moments of breaking things because I hadn't been awarded the Emmy,' she clarified.

Instead, the actress says she returned home to what mattered most: her children, Liza Huber, now 50, and Andreas Huber, now 36, whom she shares with her late husband Helmut Huber. 

The family would greet her with 'lots of hugs and kisses,' homemade signs, balloons, handwritten notes, poems and freshly baked chocolate cake.

'Any one of these was more valuable than that elusive Emmy!' Lucci quipped, before adding with a wink, 'Having said that, winning felt pretty darn good. Winning is definitely better!'

That long-awaited win finally came in 1999, when Lucci took home the trophy on her 19th nomination. 

Overcome with emotion, she thanked her peers, family, teachers and All My Children creator Agnes Nixon during her acceptance speech.

'This is a room full of such talented hardworking people, and the fact that you have thought that my work was worthy of notice 19 times is something that I will treasure always,' she said at the time.

She also paid tribute to the show's devoted fans, noting that Kane was initially meant to appear only occasionally. 

'To the fans, I was only supposed to be on every other Tuesday. But thanks to you, I'm here and I promise I will try my best never to let you down,' Lucci said, vowing to return to work the following Monday and play the iconic character 'for all she's worth.'

Lucci portrayed Kane for the entirety of All My Children's run on ABC, from 1970 until its cancellation in 2011, a moment she describes in her memoir as deeply painful.

'The cancellation of our show was such a devastating outcome for so many, from our fans to our All My Children family,' she wrote. 'In a way, it felt like a horrible divorce - one I didn't see coming or want.'

The memoir also revisits Lucci's enduring love story with Helmut Huber, whom she honored again in December 2023 while accepting her Lifetime Achievement Award. 

With their son Andreas in the audience, Lucci said it was 'the icing on the cake' to have her family present.

'I feel your dad's presence here with us tonight too,' she said, growing emotional as she thanked her late husband. 'Helmut was the love of my life. They say that grief is the price we pay for love. Well, grief is an excruciating price but I would not give up even one second of the love.'

Lucci went on to describe Huber, who also served as her manager and the CEO of Pine Valley Productions, as a 'larger than life force of nature,' praising his humor, devotion and unwavering belief in her career.